Florida woman gets drunk at Red Lobster and manages to steal a live lobster
Well, we've all been there, haven't we? You're at a nice dinner, probably a very expensive one, and you've had perhaps a few too many glasses of wine. You do your best to seem orderly and sober, but it just doesn't work, and before long you're asked to leave quietly. But quietly you do not leave.
Instead, you angrily shrug off the security that has clearly been called on you, ranting about something or other and screaming obscenities, before deciding to take a relic from your aborted evening as you get thrown out. Like a lobster, for example. No? Just me and Florida resident Kimberly Gabel? Okay then.
Described by deputies as a 42-year-old homeless woman, Kimberly Gabel has an entire laundry list of offences against her name, made up of trespass; theft, drug possession; loitering; burglary; carrying an open container of alcohol; exposure of sexual organs; violating probation; domestic battery; defrauding an innkeeper; disorderly intoxication; drunk driving; and resisting an officer.
Needless to say, Gabel is no stranger to the hand of the law, but when she went to Red Lobster in St Petersburg, Florida, nobody could have seen what was coming next. According to the arrest report, Gabel was drunk and "causing a scene", prompting a manager to ask her to leave, "for disturbing other customers".
Fair enough, but Gabel wasn't going out without a fight. The affidavit explains that Gabel was cursing as she was escorted to the front door, but once she got there, she decided to take a little souvenir to go with her: a live lobster. Yeah, just like in the Simpsons.
She didn't get far, though: deputies say they caught up with her a "short while later".
"[Kimberly Gabel] proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant," explains the arrest report. Unfortunately, she was arrested before she could have the chance to reenact that one scene in Venom. You know the one.
The report also states that while she was slurring her words and stank of booze, Gabel continued to protest her innocence, saying she "did not care because [she] didn’t do anything wrong". She did, however, resort to the tried and tested alibi of the heavily intoxicated - she was "blacked out".
But even in her inebriated state, Gabel still refused to give up the location of her crustacean accomplice, denying knowledge of where the lobster could be. It's also unknown what she was going to do with it - sell it? Take it home for a tasty meal once she sobered up? Befriend it and keep it as a companion until the inevitable moment you try to run a hot bath for it, a la Homer Simpson?
Who knows. In any case, Kimberly Gabel will await trial in Pinellas County Jail, but with a bond of $100, don't rule out the lobster showing up out of the blue to bail her out.