Venomous tarantulas are on the loose in the UK, and people are freaking out
Your experience tends to depend on where you are in the country, but regardless of whether you're in Birmingham or if you're in Bath, one of the things I love most about living in the UK is that there's a very little chance of walking across the street and getting attacked by wolves.
Awesome, isn't it?
While countries like the United States and Germany are plagued by bears, alligators and the like, over here in Great Britain, the most dangerous animal you can get here is either the adder (the only poisonous snake in the UK), or occasionally, Millwall fans.
But if you're living somewhere in Derby, then you really should be on red alert: tarantulas have apparently been spotted in the Midlands city, and not to start a panic, but they might just be breeding too. Excuse me while I quickly go change my underwear for totally unrelated reasons.
Okay, I'm back. Where were we? Ah yes: a car park out in Somercotes, Derbyshire. Pots located in this car park were found to contain baby spiders of the Brazilian bird-eating tarantula. Two of the larger pots had been run over by a vehicle, and the RSPCA suspect that the parents of these baby spiders escaped, and are now at large in Derbyshire.
Just so you know: the Brazilian salmon pink bird-eater is said to be one of the biggest types of tarantula out there, with a potential leg span of up to 10 inches - meaning they'd fit rather snugly over a dinner plate. Or, y'know, your face. They regularly chow down on insects, lizards and mice, alongside the birds from which they get their name, but who knows what'll happen if they get really hungry?
Excuse me once again whilst I change my underwear. For unrelated reasons. Again.
In what must be a contender for the understatement of the year, RSPCA inspector Kristy Ludlam said that the woman who contacted the organisation "was understandably shaken" from the ordeal, before explaining why she thought that the two parent spiders were still around, having survived their run-in with the car.
"It appears someone ran over two of the pots and the driver told the woman who called us he thought he saw two larger spiders. No bodies were found so it is assumed they may have escaped.
"We collected all the pots and took them to a specialist who found three baby arachnids in them, which he believes are bird-eating spiders - when he opened one pot a spider ran up his arm. He is keeping all the pots warm and secure as there is a possibility more eggs may hatch."
Cool. So they're breeding. No biggie. But rather than heading to Derbyshire to burn down the entire city with scorching hellfire; instead, let's have a moment for this spider family on holiday.
The RSPCA suspect that these spiders were likely to have bee unwanted pets, and so different is the English climate from the humid Brazilian climate they're used to, the RSPCA say that these spiders are not long for this world once the weather goes back to being rainy and miserable. As it will pretty much any day now.
Aww, I wasn't expecting to feel bad for the spiders! For them, this is the vacation from Hell, isn't it? So, if you come across two worried-looking tarantulas in your travels in Derby, be sure to be sympathetic; they're probably just very lost. Maybe you should give them a hug!
Except don't do that. They will almost certainly bite you dead.