This cow's freakishly enormous size saved him from the slaughterhouse

This cow's freakishly enormous size saved him from the slaughterhouse

Australia is home to all sorts of freakish creatures, from giant spiders to ''monster fish' to wombats with cube-shaped poop. And now we can add a new specimen to list: Knickers, who is believed to be the biggest cow in The Land Down Under. You may now do your Crocodile Dundee impression: "You call that a cow? THIS is a cow!" (Okay, technically, it's a steer, but whatever, chill out farmers.)

Knickers, a 7-year-old Holstein-Friesian steer, is 6 feet 4 inches tall, and weighs 3,086 pounds. To put that in perspective, he's almost as tall as NBA star Michael Jordan, and weighs about as much as a Ford Focus. Holstein-Friesian dairy cows typically stand 4 feet 10 inches tall, and and weigh 1,500 pounds, so Knickers absolutely towers over his peers.

Local news outlets aptly described Knickers as a "bovine behemoth." His enormous size fascinated Twitter users and even inspired poetry. Wait, did I say poetry? I meant hilariously bad puns. Steaks are high! That's udderly massive! What a bunch of bull! You other cows better mooooove! Have you herd about this?Any more dad jokes we can milk? Sorry if it's pasture level of tolerance. (This article better win the Pulitzer Prize in journalism.)

Geoff Pearson, Knickers' owner, told Australia's ABC News that the steer's colossal size saved him from the slaughterhouse. Meat processors just couldn't handle his weight, or girth. "He was too big to go into the export plant's chain," explained the farmer. "We have a high turnover of cattle and he was lucky enough to stay behind."

That means instead of getting turned into delicious hamburgers, the Super-Sized steer will spend the rest of his life on the farm. Sounds like a peaceful fate, especially since Knickers has the respect of his peers. "You'll put him in a paddock and all the other cattle seem to get attracted to him," said Geoff, who reportedly owns about 20,000 cattle. "Whenever he wants to get up and start walking there's a trail of hundreds of cattle following him. We all know when Knickers in on the move."

A cow the size of Michael Jordan Credit: ABC News Australia

Now, you might be curious where the name Knickers came from. Geoff told the BBC that the steer had a friend in the herd named 'Bra,' short for Brahman steer. "His name was bra... so we [had] bra and knickers," he explained. (Hey, knickers sounds better than 'panties,' doesn't it?) The farmer added that the cow's size came as a surprise: "We never thought he would turn into a big knickers."

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Knickers is not the tallest living bovine in the world. That honor goes to Bellino, a 6'7" chianina ox who was measured in Italy in 2010. (An 'ox' is an adult male bovine who has been castrated.) But don't sweat it, Knickers, you're still pretty impressive. Enjoy your long life on the farm.