In the upcoming movie Long Shot, Seth Rogen plays a journalist who begins spending time with his former babysitter, who also happens to be the US Secretary of State, played by Charlize Theron. The two begin dating, which many people would consider a "long shot' based on their physical appearances. Charlize Theron is one of the most beautiful people in the world, while Seth Rogen...uh...has a great personality.
You'd think that in real life, a stunning celebrity like Theron would have no problem landing dates. However, in an interview with Entertainment Tonight, she revealed that she hasn't been in a relationship for a surprisingly long time. "I've been single for ten years - it's not a long shot," Theron said. "Somebody just needs to grow a pair and step up. I'm shockingly available...I've made it very clear."
The Atomic Blonde star is exaggerating a bit, since she began dating Sean Penn in 2013 and they were briefly engaged to be married. The couple broke up in 2015, so, really, Theron's been single for four years, but maybe it just feels like a decade. Or maybe Sean Penn was just an extremely forgettable lover. (Yeah! Sick burn on you, Sean Penn! Looks like your 'Milk' has gone sour!)
When asked why she remains unattached, Theron explained that she waits for men to make the first move, but they're not always willing. Well, good news! After the interview was published, several men sprinkled Miracle-Gro in their underpants, sprouted enormous pairs of testicles, and asked Theron out in the comment section of her latest Instagram photo - the perfect place for love.
"Boy am I ready to date you, you are in my dream all the time," wrote @kakoli61.
"If you like chubby, funny, down to earth guys from the mid west.. im your guy.. just let me know when your free...," wrote @fefjowler.
"Would you date a US Sailor? I would totally take you out and I promise not to be all star effed in the head and creepy af. I promise to only stand at the end of the bed and watch you sleep like 2 hours a night I promise haha jkjk," wrote @veshiii
"I have loved you forever. There is no one out there good enough. Just standing tall in his big boy pants is not for you. Hold you and keep you forever is all I wish for you. I am married but that does not stop me from saying how bright and beautiful you are. Hey, it needs to be a forever man," wrote @whitehorse765
"Charlize, ur face is the only face I ever want to see," @wrote axteniii. "Ur arms r the only place I ever dream to be. Ur smile is the only smile I ever want to know. Ur heart, the only thing in this world I ever wish to own. Ur laugh is the only laugh I ever want to hear. Ur kiss is the only kiss I would ever revere. Ur eyes r the only eyes I ever wish to gaze. Ur love is all I will ever need for the rest of my days!!!!"
Well, that's five great options right there!
Also, Charlize - I know you're reading this, while at home with your cats, because you're a pathetic single person - just wondering, are you not aware of Tinder? Or Bumble? Or Raya, "the public network for people in creative communities," which is used by many celebrities for dating purposes? I bet you'd get dates, even if you cosplayed as your Monster character!