Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux split after two years of marriage
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and today is the death of love forever. After just two and a half years of marriage, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have decided to split up. When asked for a statement, Justin screamed, "WE WERE ON A BREAK!" No, wait. That wasn't Justin. Ross Gellar. Sorry about that.
The Friends actress and Leftovers actor became engaged in August 2012, although they didn't married until three years later. The couple threw a surprise wedding inside their Los Angeles home, and told reporters the secrecy made it 'so much more special.' "Wow, could this be any more special?" said one of the attendees, Chandler Bing.
Shameless stalkers of celebrities have speculated the two have been separated for a while. The last time Jennifer and Justin were pictured together was on January 1, during a holiday in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Since then, Jennifer's been spotted with her gal pals in Los Angeles, and Justin's been spotted getting coffee alone in New York City. And to make matters worse, the barista, Gunther, keeps bugging Justin, asking if he can get Jen's number.
Recently Jennifer was spotted partying it up at Ellen DeGeneres' 60th birthday bash. The party was full of famous celebrities and a paparazzi photo captured Jen sharing a hug with singer Pharrell Williams. The following night, she celebrated her own birthday, turning the big 4-9. She was joined by her Friends co-star Courtney Cox, as well as fellow actress BFF's Andrea Bendewald, Leigh Kilton-Smith and Kristin Hahn. Just after their photo was taken, a creepy actor named Joey Tribbiani walked by and asked them how they were all doing. They didn't respond.
In the statement released to the press, Jennifer and Justin say their separation "was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year.' You can read it if you want, but be warned: There are no references to Friends:
"In an effort to reduce any further speculation, we have decided to announce our separation. This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year. We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship. Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly. Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else's fictional narrative. Above all, we are determined to maintain the deep respect and love that we have for one another."
Previously Jennifer was married to some guy named Brad Pitt from 200o to 2005. Brad recently got divorced from Angelina Jolie, and since nostalgia is all the rage these days, maybe the two ex-es could get back together. Or at very least, Brad should give Jennifer a call and tell her, "I'll be there for you."