We know Katy Perry as the coquettish pop singer who squirted whipped cream out of her boobs in California Gurls and confessed she loved making out with ladies in I Kissed A Girl. However, before she crooned "swish swish, bitch," she was gospel singer Katy Hudson. In fact, she even released a self-titled gospel album in 2001. Raised by Pentecostal pastors, young Katy got her start singing in church, as secular music was discouraged in her home.
What caused Katy Perry to change ? Maybe she didn't change at at all, because deep down she was always a wild child. Over the weekend, the singer was going through family memorabilia and shared a story about getting suspended from Santa Barbara Christian School in 1996. And what was the scandalous reason? Cutting class? Swearing at a teacher? Smoking in the girls' room? Nope, nope and nope. She got busted for humping a tree, which she pretended was Tom Cruise! (Must have been a short tree.)
On Instagram Story, Katy shared a photo of the suspension report, which formally describes her "inappropriate behavior." (Or should I say 'risky business'?)
"At the 2:00 p.m. recess, Katy and four other students were in an 'off-limits' area (behind the backboards) practicing a skit. Katy pretended that a tree was Tom Cruise and began making sexual motions (pelvic thrusts) to the tree. When Katy met with Mrs. Calkins, Mr. White, and myself, she was asked to describe or demonstrate what she had been seen doing on the playground in front of some other students. Katy chose to describe it. Her words were 'it was inappropriate' and 'like making out."
We all get in trouble for doing stupid things when we're young, but this reason for suspension is hilariously bizarre. It sounds like Katy was barking mad. I wonder if her teachers ever got down to the root of the problem. Maybe they were stumped. Hopefully they offered her an olive branch. It's tree-mendously rude to make her pack her trunk and leave. (Okay, I'm done now.)
The suspension report goes on to list more common kinds of juvenile troublemaking. Katy wore "crop tops" with her midriff showing. She used inappropriate language such as "pissed off," "brats," and "Oh my God," taking the Lord's name in vain. She got busted for playing Spin The Bottle and Truth and Dare with other students, in which she kissed others on the cheek. (The horror!)
However, Katy Hudson's most Katy Perry-esque behavior was salacious dancing: "Katy was seen by 2 teachers recently outside their classroom doing the Macarena dance in which she made body motions with sexual overtones (described by one teacher as being "like an exotic dancer.") The same dance moves that her scolded in school helped her become an international pop superstar.
Well, what we can we say? She humped a tree, and she liked it.
