President Trump stares directly at the eclipse with no glasses
Today's eclipse provided remarkable insight into the lengths Donald Trump will go to prove fake news wrong. Don't look at the eclipse? Pffh. He'll gaze into the widening gyre, the circling drain of cosmic death, and he'll do it without silly glasses.
Despite warnings from scientists, saying that the unnatural light of the eclipse changes some of the eye's essential functions for filtering sunlight and thus can cause permanent eye damage, Donald Trump took the sun head-on. Why? Because why not!
But first, of course, he played it safe. He looked upward with his wife Melania, both of them wearing sunglasses like the kind they passed out in the theater at Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.
They look like the people in They Live, donning glasses to the see world as it truly is. Indeed, Trump saw then the true nature of the sun, just as Tony Soprano once did after a psychedelic binge in the desert after gambling all night, watching the sun rise as he screams impotently: "I GET IT! I GET IT!"
The moon covering the sun, of course, has some symbolic effects. The moon, traditionally, refers to silver, or Lucifer, or artificial machines. The sun, on the other hand, is gold, natural growth, the divine. When the moon blots out the sun, the artificial blots out the real.
So then, Trump, ever the character, took it upon himself to watch this symbolism in real time, just to try to master one more moment of the day. It's who he is. He wants to be a conqueror of all things, especially the sun. He's a hopeless romantic that way.
There it is! He witnesses Damocles directly, without glasses! What an absolute boy.
Honestly, I can't bring myself to get mad at this. It's just hilarious. It's great. He's the man who will do anything and everything, regardless of its impact on his health. He just wants to taste the damn sun!
Of course, looking at the eclipse can seriously damage your vision. It's not just a rumor.
According to CNN:
"The retina may translate light into an electrical impulse that the brain understands, but one thing it can't translate to your brain is pain. So even if you're excited about the eclipse and think one brief glimpse at the sun before it completely hides behind the moon is worth it -- it's not. There's no internal trigger that is going to let you know that you've looked at the sun for too long. Any amount of looking at it is too long. Even the smallest amount of exposure can cause blurry vision or temporary blindness. The problem is, you won't know whether it's temporary."
Can the President be impeached for willingly blinding himself? What if Trump is blind right now, panicking, stumbling all over the Oval Office and tripping over his own desk, desperately calling out for his children to come help him?
What if he is doomed to live out his days as Oedipus, who famously went blind after killing his own father and unknowingly having sex with his mother, something so impossible that it destroyed his eyesight and his faith in the world?
Gaze, ye mighty, upon his works and despair! Our President gazes into the eclipse with open eyes! But does the eclipse gaze back?