If 15th century quintessential Renaissance Man Leonardo Da Vinci - the artist behind The Last Supper, the Mona Lisa and the Vitruvian Man, the inventor of the parachute, the tank and the flying machine, a man of unquenchable curiosity and astonishing imagination - were to visit our contemporary world in 2019, he would gasp and gawk, eyes agog, and exclaim, "Damn! Your pool floats are lit af!"
That's right, we are living in an unprecedented golden age of pool floats. Whether you crave an avocado-shaped pool float with a removable pit or a pool float with two holes built in for big boobs, retailers are tripping over themselves to please you. Now, Amazon is selling the latest buzzy concoction, perfect for bachelorette parties, gag gifts and single friends with six cats and zero Tinder messages: an inflatable hunk pool float
The $19 floatie features a muscular hunk wearing sunglasses whose body has been horrifically severed at the torso and grafted onto a red and white pool ring. However, the unfathomable body horror doesn't appear to bother him in the slightest. He's grinning from ear to ear. Also, the float includes a cup holder, perfect for alcoholic drinks and even stronger alcoholic drinks.
According to shoppers, the name 'Chad' is printed on the hunk's red shorts. That's right, his name is Chad. The name Chad is a modernization of the Old English name Ceadda, which derives from the Welsh word cad, meaning "battle." In British slang, however, "chad" refers to a "sexually promiscuous man." What better name for this ripped, thirst trap dreamboat?!
Unfortunately, the pool float is currently sold out on Amazon, but don't despair and shake your first at the sun, because it will soon be restocked. You can purchase the hunky float. It just won't be delivered until around the end of June. That still gives you two glorious months to be cradled in Chad's hunky arms, drinking a pre-mixed piña colada, just like Leonardo Da Vinci would do, if he traveled to summer 2019.
