Here's how long $1,000,000 will actually last you in real life

Financial gurus, to us millennials, are full of rubbish. Apparently, we're supposed to accept low-paying and unpaid work in order to climb the ranks of a company, but at the same time, we should be investing in the stock market by age 25, saving money for retirement from our first salary, and by age 35, we should have double our salary in straight liquid cash savings.

Want to have kids? Well, then you just need a higher salary. A much, much higher salary. It costs an estimated 14,000 dollars to raise a child, so add that to the annual price of an apartment, which is about just as much as the cost of a child in a big city in New York, and you're barely afloat with 30,000 a year! And that doesn't include transportation, groceries, any money for ridiculously over-expensive healthcare plans... yeah.

million dollars money cash Credit: Alux

So how far exactly does a million dollars go? Allegedly, you should be saving a small percentage of your income every year. This is how you get rich - you just save, save, save, an incremental amount every year, like our ape ancestors foraging into the forest for a handful of sticks a day, until you find you have enough to build a giant fort in the trees.

So, how far does a million go if you're committed to saving 3 per cent of that figure every year? The thing is, the savings will constantly renew your money, since leaving money in the bank is the best way to grow it, or so I hear from people who have money in the bank.

If you can live off 30,000 dollars a year, the million will last you for over sixty years. That's great, right? Well, not really. Remember earlier when we trashed that 30,000 a year salary? You can't run a family on that. Not even close. You can basically just live as a poor bachelor for your entire life and skate by. Not good.

woman money cash millennial Credit: CNBC

If you spend 50,000 dollars a year, your million will last you 32 years. Not bad! But 50,000 is still not enough to run a family on. And if you live in a big city, doubly so. One bad accident and you're stuck with a 50,000 price tag for a single surgery. That'll literally pull a year out of your life.

So try spending 75,000 a year. That's not bad for a lifelong fixed salary - it can work. But that million will only last for 18 years. Then, it's back to the job boards. Ugh. Also, good luck paying for your kids' college.

So, let's try spending 100,000 a year. That'll last you 13 years. Then, once again, it's back to the grind.

And that's if you save and ration off your income! Most people won't do anything of the sort. Most people will start off with a massive vacation and blow a year's salary in a few months. Which is okay. Were we meant to live this life as penny-pinching primates?

millennials Credit: CNBC

It would take me decades upon decades to earn a million dollars. And that would only last me under twenty years if I wanted to spend the amount I'd need to spend to live comfortably and/or have a family!

So, after that magic million, you still have to work for 40 plus years for a living. Thanks, Obama (or Alan Greenspan or Lloyd Blankfein or any of the other suckers who crashed the economy, Obama did bail 'em out though)!