For many gay people, the day you come out is one of the most important events in your life. It's a fundamental acknowledgement of your identity and sexual preference. For some it's a traumatic experience, fraught with homophobia, rejection and bitterness. For others, coming out is a positive affirmation of love and growth. Either way, it's an important milestone. Very few gay people ever worry about having to go back into the closet once they're out, but it does sometimes happen. No gay person likes to hear the word "phase" (since "it's just a phase" is a phrase often employed to dismiss someone's sexuality) but sometimes people who believe themselves to be gay change their mind.
One such person is 27-year-old model and mental health worker, Dominic Hilton. Dominic, who hails from Bournemouth in England, came out at the age of 14. He even worked as a male escort for a year. He boasted a very active love life, and estimates that he has had between 100-150 sexual partners. However, in 2017 he broke up with his long-term partner over Christmas and made the radical decision afterwards to abstain from sex for a year. Rather than finding it a struggle, the once-libidinous Dominic found that celibacy actually made him feel happier and more secure as a person. However, while on holiday with a friend, everything changed for him once again.
After giving up sex for a whole year, and jetting off to Spain, Dominic realised that he no longer felt aroused by men. In fact, he now claims that after going through a sexless 2017, he is now attracted to women, and has subsequently come out as straight after 13 years of living as a gay man. Despite many people telling him that he must be bisexual, Dominic insists that he is now done with men and only interested in women. What's more, he says that his year of celibacy has made him less camp, and even changed his dress sense and interests.
Commenting on the unconventional path his sexuality has taken him on in a recent interview, Dominic stated: "To get over someone, a lot of people go and get under someone else, but I didn’t want to do that. I started reading up on celibacy and saw people talk about how it had helped their self-esteem, lessened their anxieties, given them more energy and generally taught them more about who they were. At that point, I was still feeling down about my break up, so I just wanted to do something to make me happy. I never imagined celibacy would change my life as much as it has."
He added: "A lot of my friends found it funny. I remember one saying, ‘You’ll never do it.’ But the longer it went on, the more determined I was ... It was really liberating not having anything to commit to. Taking myself away from all that meant that the only person I needed approval from was me. There was no worrying about what to wear, whether dates would go well and what it meant if you hadn’t heard from them ... being celibate meant I wasn’t looking to impress anyone – I was putting myself first and getting to know myself in a different way, which worked wonders for my anxiety."
"My male friend and I were on holiday in Alicante, Spain in October, and where I’d usually be chatting about guys we could see, and if I thought they were attractive, I just couldn’t join in. Then my friend turned to me and said, ‘You really are straight, aren’t you?’ I’d been wondering if perhaps I was bisexual, and attracted to both men and women, but now, I just don’t find men attractive anymore. I have no intention of sleeping with a man again. Telling everyone I was straight was like coming out all over again, but my loved ones were supportive and just want me to be happy."
Dominic is now back on the dating scene and looking for a woman to pursue a relationship with. However, the reaction to his sexual newfound orientation from strangers has been mixed. Some people are judgemental, others are more understanding. Dominic has no doubts about himself however, and thinks that more people should be willing to try taking a break from sex.
Hmmm; maybe if I'd also slept with that many people, I'd be able to take a year off too. As it is, I've just simply not made up the numbers yet.
