When we talk about true love, we send to refer to it in the singular. We say "soul mate", not "soul mates", and talk about the experience of being married or a relationship as an exclusive thing. But the fact is that not everyone is hardwired to enjoy monogamy. Now, more and more people are embracing polyamorous relationships, in which they have and share more than one partner.
Some small-minded people dismiss polyamory as people wanting to have their cake and eat it, but recently a trio of people in a three-way relationship with each other have opened up about their own experiences, and thereby busted a lot of myths associated with the lifestyle.
Nic Chandler, (age 27), Rachel Kouris, (age 26), and Xander Kelley, (age 20) are keen to stress that their relationship is just like any couple's: they go on dates together, split bills three ways, argue about doing housework, and sleep in a king-size bed together. But most important of all: they all love each other equally.
Nic, a gender-neutral person who works at a TV station, first became aware they were polyamorous in high school - dating multiple people throughout. For a while, Nic was content to stay in a monogamous relationship with delivery driver Rachel, whom they met on OKCupid. But when they met Xander through work, they both ended up falling in love with him as well. This year they decided to enter into a relationship with Xander as well, and all live together. Nic also enjoys an open relationship, and has pursed sexual encounters outside of the relationship: something which Rachel and Xander are apparently fine with.
Commenting on their relationship, Nic stated: "We hung out more and more and he just blended in seamlessly. My big worry would be how he’d get on with Rachel, but they clicked right away. I have been in polyamorous relationships before, where the other two preferred each other, which was the first time I think I had reservations about them. But this hasn’t been an issue with us. Xander fits in perfectly. We’re all different and all get something different from each other. We’re a unit."
They added:
"I’ve had monogamous relationships in the past, but felt they were too closed off. I have a lot of love to give in different ways and, equally, didn’t feel I could get everything I needed from one person. The biggest misconception, I find, is that people think being polyamorous – which means you are in a relationship involving more than one person – is all about sex. They underestimate the seriousness of it, but I love these two people very much. We have a normal relationship. We’ll argue over Netflix or what to have for dinner just like anybody else – the only difference is there’s one extra person to do it with.
"We always make sure we’re open about what’s going on. As long as we’re honest, run everything by the other two and keep everyone in the loop, it’s fine. The other two also have veto abilities, which they haven’t used yet, but sometimes we all have down days and might not necessarily want to see our partner going off with someone else. Communication is absolutely key to make sure we maintain that balance."
Some people might find Nic, Rachel and Xander's relationship unorthodox. But think about it this way: imagine how wonderful it must feel to be loved completely and wholly by not just one person, but two? Like Nic says, some people have a lot of love to give. We should embrace that, instead of condemning it.
