Meat lovers are furious after someone posted pics of a 'vegan brisket' on Twitter
A generation ago, a diet existing entirely of plant matter would be the saddest thing imaginable. Your every meal would be populated by tons of salads, carrot dogs and indiscriminate blocks of soy, enough to drive even the staunchest animal rights activist to the nearest Burger King in search of proper nourishment.
If you've been on the fence about turning vegan, then there's no better time to get into it than now, especially if you live in a big city. It's never been more popular to ditch animal products altogether, and if you're anything like me and the thought of not getting to eat pizza or ice cream is unpalatable to you, then there's plenty of vegan alternatives that taste nearly the same.
Yes, modern science has made it a lot easier to be a vegan, but sometimes, as Jurassic Park showed us all those years ago, science goes way too far, leaving us all in mortal peril as a consequence. Vegan pizza is a delicious way to try and play God, but I fear we may have gone too far in our pursuit of a world where even our meat is meat-free.
Soy or seitan both make really good meat substitutes for when you're a vegan and you want something more substantial for your dinner. That being said, they don't look enough like meat to satisfy that primal lust for animal flesh that is buried deep in the subconscious of every human being.
That's the only explanation I can find for this monstrosity of a vegan brisket, put together by Kevin Biegel, who is a vegan, amateur food scientist and almost certainly a future Spider-Man villain. He posted pictures of his vegan brisket to Twitter, where for some reason, meat lovers were particularly upset to come across it on their feeds.
"Vegan brisket experiment was a success!" says Biegel in his tweet, with accompanying photo that shows off the vegan brisket. The vegan brisket in question looks just enough like a slab of meat that it's kind of unsettling to look at - a veritable Uncanny Valley of meat and its various alternatives.
Biegel also took the time to tell us how he made it, so we can make one of these at home, should we want to. "18 hour smoke over oak. Is it beef? Nope. But the taste/texture are pretty great. Mix of jackfruit, seitan, miso, beer, Franklin BBQ sauce made w extra sugar so it carmalized to a crust — and it did! Plus I don’t feel gross after eating it!"
You should probably feel a little gross after eating that, Kevin, and Twitter tends to agree.
Though, a pinch of salt to go with this hot take on vegan brisket - isn't... isn't this the kind of blind vitriol we give vegans a lot of flak for on social media? Are... are we hypocrites?
Well, I didn't think about that at all. Maybe in the future, we should be a lot more accepting of other people's dietary choices. Although this is a lot more fun.