Girl clogs toilet on a Tinder date, then manages to make it 100 times worse
Modern dating is a minefield, let's just call it what it is.
Before one can even contemplate the possibility of actually meeting the object of their potential affections face to face, we are forced to go through an absurd rigmarole in hapless pursuit of "the one".
Dating in our modern culture means hours spent listlessly swiping left and right on various apps, hoping that someone mirrors your superficially judged favour. Of course, one could brave the mysterious corridors of the many online matchmaking services that purport to use some hitherto unprecedented algorithm to scientifically find your perfect match - a frankly terrifying concept.
Of course, part of the problem is how busy and cluttered our lives have become; technology claims to hold solutions for such hectic lifestyles, though in reality it can sometimes feel hard to decipher whether the multifarious apps and contraptions purporting to streamline our existence are actually adding to the humdrum.
One girl, though, appears to have proved that, even after you jump, swipe and navigate your way through the various hoops of online dating, your problems are really only just beginning.
To all intents and purposes, Liam Smyth's date with a woman - who remains anonymous - was going relatively well. They went to dinner, then back to his place to watch a documentary. When the woman visited the bathroom, though, things took a swift, definite turn for the worse. As Smyth explains;
"She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
"'I went for a poo in your toilet", she told me "and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked', she continued 'I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window'".
Not to be thrown off course by such trivialities, Smyth told the woman that they would go outside and remove the offending faeces to the bin, pretending it never happened (what a saint). That's when he came to a sickening realisation, though;
"Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, seperated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo".
Astonishingly, and showing admirable determination, Smyth's date, an "amateur gymnast" said that she would climb into the "twilight zone" and remove the offending article;
"Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast."
As the scene was fast becoming a safety hazard, Smyth did the only thing he could; he phoned the fire brigade;
"Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes."
Smyth recounts his story on a gofundme page, set up in an attempt to recoup the £300 he has been quoted to replace the window, which was completely destroyed in an attempt to get the date safely out.
Ever had a more catastrophic date than this one? I'd like to hear the story.