6 Common activities that are a terrible idea before sex
Sex, right? In a world full of uncertainty, belligerence and underwhelming Spider-Man films, it's a minor miracle we're able to connect with another person on such a deep level, and I for one am glad that I get to have sex with a loving partner on a regular basis... at least in theory.
But if you're playing hide the salami on the regular, there are certain things you should avoid to ensure that your lovemaking experience is as pleasurable as possible. These six activities are an absolute no-no. They're practically anti-aphrodisiacs.
1. Eating spicy foods
When it comes to food, who among us doesn't like a bit of a juicy kick with their pizza or Mexican dish? There's nothing wrong with asking for extra jalapeños on your nachos, but be warned: that spicy food could make things pretty uncomfortable for anyone trying to get in and around a vagina. "Foods can affect vaginal odor and taste," says Kathryn Boling, M.D., primary care physician at Mercy Medical Center, while spicy food also carries the risk of bloating, gas and plenty of flatulence. So, super sexy. Let's not forget that the residue left on your mouth and hands could lead to some hot sex... but not in the way that you're hoping.
2. Drinking too much
We've all had or heard tragic stories of "whiskey d*ck" - where after a night of drinking, men can experience some serious erectile dysfunction, explaining to their would-be sexual partner that "this never happens to me, I swear". Light drinking is useful for relaxation, but anything heavier may make it way harder to reach orgasm. "Since alcohol is a known depressant, your ability to experience an orgasm may actually be diminished if you're too buzzed," says the board-certified gynecologist Nicole E. Williams, MD. Keep floppiness at bay in the bedroom by making sure you keep it to two glasses of wine at most.
3. Using food as foreplay
Yeah, I know. Look, movies like 50 Shades of Grey make bringing food into your sex life look as easy as introducing your significant other to your hidden sex dungeon, but in reality, there's a reason you don't have sex too often by the kitchen sink, nor bring a deep fryer into the bedroom so you can have doughnuts all day, every day. Try to keep your food and friskiness separate. Unless, of course, you're trying to get a yeast infection. "Using anything with sugar in it as a lubricant (whether on purpose or not) can cause a yeast infection, as yeast thrives on sugar," says Boiling.
4. Taking antihistamine tablets
When you're feeling a little bit under the weather, sometimes the only relief is to take a ton of antihistamines and lie in bed for a while. Just remember that if you're in bed and there arises an opportunity to do more than just... lie there, your antihistamines would probably make things a little bit worse. You see, antihistamines work by drying out your mucus to relieve nasal congestion... and guess what needs a ton of mucus? Your vagina may dry out thanks to antihistamines, says Nicole Williams, which will not make for a great time, no matter how much lube you use.
5. Using an electric toothbrush
This might sound totally innocuous and not-at-all related to your ability to enjoy sex, but using an electric toothbrush or alcohol-based mouthwashes could be a one-way ticket to STD Town (population: you). "Similar to sensitive vaginal mucosa, spinning bristles can cause tiny tears in the gums, and harsh, alcohol-based mouthwashes can dry out and irritate your mucosa, making it prone to sores and contracting STDs," says Tsippora Shainhouse, who's a board-certified dermatologist working out of Beverly Hills.
Now hold on a second - I'm not saying don't shave, or that your sexual partner is going to have to bring a set of garden shears every time they want to make you happy. All I mean is that right before you get it on, shaving down there isn't a great idea, as Shainhouse will explain. "Shaving will exfoliate the top layer of the skin, making the area more sensitive. It can irritate hair follicles, causing a pink bumpy rash, and can cause tiny cuts, which would leave your skin open to potential infections, such as herpes and HPV." Not exactly great. To ensure silky-smooth skin without needlessly subjecting yourself to herpes, try shaving the night before. The difference will be marginal. I promise.
So guys, I hope you've all learned something today about the worst things you can do before sex. I don't know the next time you're going to have sex, but whether it's a few months from now or tonight, make sure you're fully prepared.