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8 Questions to ask your partner if you want a deeper connection

Having a significant other is a constant process of learning about them. While you'll get an idea of their likes, dislikes, values and personality traits early on in the relationship, you'll never truly be able to figure them out. But that's fine. I mean, most of us still can't even figure ourselves out anyway.

In any case, you'll always be wanting to understand them better to establish a deeper connection. A big part of this is learning about all their flaws and vulnerabilities, and accepting them for it. This kind of knowledge becomes a powerful bond between you, and sometimes it takes the right questions to get to that deeper stage in your relationship.

Here is a selection of 8 of those kinds of questions that will generate honest, open conversations to help you learn a little more about your partner. Some of them are fun to hypothesise about, while others can be a little awkward to breach. In any case, listening to their answers – and even just asking in the first place – will lead you to a deeper connection.

1. What would you do right now if you were randomly given a billion dollars?

This is a good one because it means you'll find out what truly matters to your partner and what their unbridled desires are. We go through an education so we can get a job to pay for whatever lifestyle we have, but what if holding down a job didn't matter so much anymore? Would they travel, buy a fancy car or share their money with family? Maybe they'd donate it to charity or use it to start a business they'd always dreamed about. You'll learn a lot.

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2. Is there something I can do at the moment to support you better?

Asking this question might initiate a discussion, and it might not. They could ask you for a favour to help them with a busy month ahead, or maybe it'll give them a chance to raise something you did last week that's been niggling them ever since. Whatever it is, by opening the floor to honest thoughts, you'll create a deeper connection through intentional reflection and active listening.

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3. What's something you've gone through that you never want to do again? 

While this question can be a difficult one to answer, it'll really help you understand your partner better. More often than not, the experiences we never want to go through again are hardships that were though, but that also helped shape us into who we are. Admitting to those times will show vulnerability, as well as show why they are stronger today.

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4. What does a healthy relationship mean for the people in it?

This question usually gets a surprising array of answers, showing how different people have different needs in a relationship. Love isn't the same for everyone, and someone might feel that words of appreciation mean more than a nice bunch of flowers every now and again. Maybe you complement each other in terms of what you like to give and what you like to get, and if not – at least this question will give you a better understanding of how they view relationships.

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5. What do you find difficult to speak about with me, and how can I best support you when we're talking about them? 

Everyone has things they don't like talking about with their partner – and to ask about what those topics are can be very powerful. It could be that you feel inadequate when they talk about their exes, maybe you feel embarrassed talking about sex, or perhaps it's very awkward for you to discuss finances together. But asking about difficult conversation topics and what exactly makes them uncomfortable can help start a conversation that is usually swept under the rug by couples.

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6. Are you happy with the intimacy we share?

Sex (after money) is cited by couples as the second-most stressful topic to discuss, meaning they often avoid talking about it altogether and then causing them to break them up. So try not to avoid talking about it. Maybe they want more or something, less of something, or to add something a little spicier into the mix.

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7. What is one thing that some people do that you'll never be able to tolerate?

Certain behaviours and personality traits can be total dealbreakers for people. Maybe it's something like eating loudly or incessantly burping in a vulgar fashion, or maybe it's something more serious like doing hard drugs or cheating on someone. Some people can forgive anything, but others can be very serious about what they do or don't tolerate.

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8. What’s the best way to end a long day?

This question is a little lighter than the deeper ones you've just bombarded them with. You'll get an idea of what their idea of relaxation is, or maybe that they're real go-getters wanting to make the most of their spare time after work. You'll learn more about what it is that they like and enjoy the most in life.

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Whatever the questions ignite, and no matter how long your conversations last, you'll both feel a deeper connection to each other just for the fact that you're opened yourselves up to discuss these kinds of things. Being honest with each other, and sharing your most basic desires, will give the person a better understanding of you and in turn, you'll appreciate your relationship with a new kind of knowledge.