Sex.

That union of two bodies, both in perfect unison, the most beautiful, natural, comforting, exciting, mind-blowing experience that two people can share.

Or is it?

That is certainly the romantic illusion we are sold, but many factors come in to play that can decide whether sex is all of the above, or, frankly, none of them.

One night stands are rarely as fulfilling as one might hope in their drunken delusions, and sex between two people that simply don't really love each other anymore is a gloomy, depressing, altogether pointless affair.

Having said that, even the most staggeringly brilliant of sexual encounters presents its own set of problems. Logistics, angles, fatigue and a desire to please all come into play and one must stagger around like an amateur plate spinner trying to keep everything moving in the right direction.

Here are some of the things all men are probably thinking during sex, but would never tell you.

Rather a vicious cycle, this, as surely thinking "keep your head in the game" is actually, perversely, taking you out of the game. Stop looking at that strange mark on the ceiling, and focus.

Yes, while you thrust mechanically backwards and forwards, you probably do.

Good luck controlling that one, buster.

Probably a bit of both. If the slathering and panting gets too much, she'll probably tell you to shut up.

This very much depends. Gauge whether she's enjoying it sufficiently or not. Oh, and for goodness sake, communicate about what she wants. It's not cheating, it's making sure she's having a good time.

Probably not. But, realistically, are you going to go and check now. Like, right now?

No, not the Charlie Puth song, but literally how long have we been having sex. Because, you know, it's good to know these things.

It's all about the rhythm. Or, we just get songs stuck in our head and it's impossible to get them out. Thanks, Kylie Minogue.

So there you are, if you've been wondering what your man thinks about while you're getting down and dirty, this might give you some idea.

Sex.

That union of two bodies, both in perfect unison, the most beautiful, natural, comforting, exciting, mind-blowing experience that two people can share.

Or is it?

That is certainly the romantic illusion we are sold, but many factors come in to play that can decide whether sex is all of the above, or, frankly, none of them.

One night stands are rarely as fulfilling as one might hope in their drunken delusions, and sex between two people that simply don't really love each other anymore is a gloomy, depressing, altogether pointless affair.

Having said that, even the most staggeringly brilliant of sexual encounters presents its own set of problems. Logistics, angles, fatigue and a desire to please all come into play and one must stagger around like an amateur plate spinner trying to keep everything moving in the right direction.

Here are some of the things all men are probably thinking during sex, but would never tell you.

Rather a vicious cycle, this, as surely thinking "keep your head in the game" is actually, perversely, taking you out of the game. Stop looking at that strange mark on the ceiling, and focus.

Yes, while you thrust mechanically backwards and forwards, you probably do.

Good luck controlling that one, buster.

Probably a bit of both. If the slathering and panting gets too much, she'll probably tell you to shut up.

This very much depends. Gauge whether she's enjoying it sufficiently or not. Oh, and for goodness sake, communicate about what she wants. It's not cheating, it's making sure she's having a good time.

Probably not. But, realistically, are you going to go and check now. Like, right now?

No, not the Charlie Puth song, but literally how long have we been having sex. Because, you know, it's good to know these things.

It's all about the rhythm. Or, we just get songs stuck in our head and it's impossible to get them out. Thanks, Kylie Minogue.

So there you are, if you've been wondering what your man thinks about while you're getting down and dirty, this might give you some idea.