This company will deliver farts in a jar to your loved ones this Christmas
I don't know about you guys, but I'm always struggling to get my friends and family the right gift for Christmas. I love them so much, but scrolling through Amazon or eBay or Etsy, nothing seems to be right. I could get my mother a lovely necklace, I could get my dad a classy watch; but that just doesn't seem personal, y'know?
I want something that shows my playful nature, as well as something that demonstrates my desire to harness bodily functions for either good or evil, but in all my searches and travels, I never found anything that worked for me. That is, until now.
If you're anything like me and you're looking for something similar, then boy - do I have the perfect gift for you this Christmas. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the fart in the jar, mailed directly to anybody you want via Farts Direct, the one company bold enough to base their entire business around farts.
Think of Sports Direct, but, y'know... for farts.
I'll admit - regardless of how refined and cultured my sense of humour may become, there's always room in my heart for a decent fart joke, and in my opinion, there's no better type of joke than the overly tedious fart joke that's difficult to explain. Let's hear a little bit more about what Farts Direct would like to do for you this holiday season, courtesy of the official Farts Direct website.
"For years, the notorious ‘Fart’ has been the topic of much hilarity and conversation. Flatulence, trump and bottom-burp are just a few expressions used in modern-day society for breaking wind. But still they are immensely funny… to the childish and immature (where’s the fun in growing up anyway?) Farting is a part of what beautiful mother nature created right? And we should be loud and proud about it!"
"Now imagine the look on their face when they realise they just inhaled an invisible turd," continue Farts Direct, who really want you to buy this fart in a jar. "And once they’ve breathed in the surprise stench, you’re done. It’s the perfect way to tell someone how you truly feel without ever having to say a word."
These farts in a jar come in a wide range of... flavours, including Sprout Stench, Curry Napalm, or my personal favourite, Stuffing Shart, and you can pen a personalised message to the lucky recipient of your gassy gift, should you want to say something more than "I love you. Here's some gas."
"We need to let the stigma surrounding farts go, by letting one go," says Martin Grix, Founder and CEO of Farts Direct. "It’s important to share the guff – especially at Christmas time."
Now if you're anything like me, you probably have some questions - such as "exactly whose farts am I sending to my partner?" - but put those questions aside for a while, and realise you can do so for only £9.99! There's the Festive version, sure, but there's also the Brexit special, as well as the Original Recipe farts that you can enjoy all year round.
So there. Send someone your farts this Christmas. If nothing else, it'll be a gas.