This is the scary 'three second rule' some guys are using with women they date
If I were to say "the three-second rule", you'd probably think I was talking about whether you could eat that Twinkie you accidentally dropped on the floor. If not that, then perhaps the other thing that would come to your mind would be the basketball rule, or the art of knowing whether that stranger was going to be your friend.
Tragically, though, the "three-second rule" has reportedly become less about that snack you dropped and more about a disturbing rule that some men are apparently using on first dates. A rule that horrifyingly exemplifies that the idea of consent is still something that confounds many people out there.
According to Cosmopolitan writer, Alia Waheed, the three-second rule involves a man kissing a woman "uncontrollably" for three seconds to see if she's "into it". Waheed first found out about it when her friend went on a date and returned claiming she had been "kiss-raped": when someone pounces on you, forcing you to kiss them for a prolonged period of time.
Turning to their friend 'Rick' to get his opinion on the situation, they were shocked to hear him name this situation as the three-second rule, something that he believed to be completely acceptable. In his words: "Well if they aren’t [into it], you stop right away, no bones about it. But I find most of the women are. It makes them feel gorgeous if you show you can't hold yourself back because they’re so sexy."
So, is this rule reasonable? Or does it simply highlight the horrible misunderstanding that many people still have in this day and age of consent? Unfortunately, the latter seems to be the answer.
Dr Robert Glover, author of No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Guide to Getting What you Want in Love, Sex and Life, believes that the rule - which can, of course, be used by women as well - only works on people who believe they don't have the right to say the word "no".
Speaking to Cosmopolitan, he said: "In my experience, being nice does very little to attract women or turn them on. That doesn’t mean that women are turned on by aggressiveness. Confidence, social status, and even some degree of dominance can be turn-ons, but this is not the same as pushing women for sex. While it may feel validating for some people to have a seemingly confident man express high sexual interest in them, I would think the three-second rule would only work on people who’ve been conditioned to believe they don’t have the right, or power, to say no."
Jessica Eaton, a researcher in the psychology of sexual violence against women at Birmingham University, agreed, claiming that pop culture has conditioned us to believe that behaviour like this is appropriate. "In rom-coms, we often see a man who has a sexual interest in a woman who is not interested in him – whom he then pesters, turns up at her work, sends her gifts, and tries to change her mind, which is framed as ‘true love’ or a ‘real man’ going after the woman he loves," she said. "This leads to both men and women believing that men who pester them for intimacy, love, or sex are doing it because they really love the woman, and so consent boundaries become irrelevant."
If it's true that people are actually using the three-second rule on dates, it needs to stop - and fast. While three seconds may not sound like a long time in the grand scale of things, any amount of time where you do not have complete control over your own body is something that not be happening. Period.