Michael Cohen paid a guy to call him sexy, and the tweets are the most cringe thing you'll ever read
Michael Cohen was Donald Trump's trusted confidante for years, but now he's turned into his worst enemy. Reportedly the former attorney turned convicted felon has flipped on his former boss, and is spilling all of the glorious tea. Special counsel Robert Mueller's FBI investigation has been remarkably tight-lipped, but this week we learned some juicy information - like that Cohen hired someone to create a thirst trap Twitter account called "Woman for Cohen."
In case you've been distracted by Cardi B rants and morons jumping off cruise ships: Mueller is investigating possible Russian collusion during the 2016 US presidential election and possible obstruction of justice on behalf of Individual-1, aka Donald J. Trump. On Twitter, the president frequently refers to this investigation as a "witch hunt," but for a witch hunt, they sure have caught a lot of witches. As of this writing, Mueller's team has gotten indictments and guilty pleas from 33 people and three companies - including Michael Cohen.
Last August, Cohen, Donald Trump's longtime lawyer, pleaded guilty to eight counts of campaign finance violations, tax fraud, and bank fraud. He stated that he violated campaign finance laws at the direction of Trump and for the principal purpose of influencing the 2016 election. In addition, he pleaded guilty to Congress about lying to the Senate committee about efforts to build a Trump Tower in Moscow. According to today's bombshell report from BuzzFeed News, Cohen did so at the direction of Trump. If true, that's a smoking gun, and a possible argument for Trump's impeachment.
But let's get back to what's really important: the thirst trap Twitter account! On Thursday, The Wall Street Journal published a report that Cohen hired John Gauger, the chief technology officer at Liberty University, to help rig polls in Trump's favor. Not the most shocking news, but this detail was surprising, and hilarious: Cohen also asked Gauger to create the Twitter account @WomenForCohen.
On Twitter, WSJ stated the account was "created in May 2016 and run by a female friend of Mr. Gauger, described Mr. Cohen as a 'sex symbol,' praised his looks and character, and promoted his appearances and statements boosting Mr. Trump’s candidacy." Screenshots of the since-deleted account reveal the Twitter bio, which reads, "Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense." (Wow, that's the same I put on my Twitter account!)
If this story isn't weird enough for you, don't worry, there's more: The contractor was paid for the poll-rigging and Twitter thirst strap with "a blue Walmart bag containing between $12,000 and $13,000 in cash and, randomly, a boxing glove that Mr. Cohen said had been worn by a Brazilian mixed martial arts fighter," according to the Wall Street Journal. He was promised $50,000, but hey, that boxing glove probably covered the diff, right?
But enough with these boring words. Prepare to swoon over some sultry images from @WomanForCohen. "#handsome #sexy"
On Twitter, Michael Cohen responded to The Wall Street Journal's story, writing, "As for the @WSJ article on poll rigging, what I did was at the direction of and for the sole benefit of @realDonaldTrump @POTUS. I truly regret my blind loyalty to a man who doesn’t deserve it."
Unfortunately, he did not respond to the hilarious @WomanForCohen Twitter account, or hashtag his tweet "#handsome" and "#sexy."