This condiment-flavored ice cream is definitive proof that science has gone too far
What did you have for lunch today?
Don't worry: this isn't some weird, Facebook page-to-reader stunt to show that I care about you or something like that. This is just to illustrate my point, promise. Maybe you had a hot dog with some french fries; a little bit of ketchup or mayo on the side. Perhaps you had ice cream for dessert. But what you definitely didn't eat was a hot dog with ice cream on top.
You'd be a monster to do that. And anybody who'd think to combine ice cream and condiment in such unholy matrimony would be a monster to do so, right?
If so, somebody please talk to this ice creamery, because they are really testing my patience right about now with the latest abomination of an ice cream flavour. It comes from Scotland, where (with haggis and/or deep-fried Mars bars) they're no stranger to ill-conceived food ideas, but surely this is a bridge too far.
Surely we have strayed too far from sensible food knowledge for social media engagement, only to realise too late that we'd opened Pandora's box in terms of terrible food concepts, and soon we'd see something ridiculous like peeled strawberries. Whoops, too late...
But anyway, hot on the heels of ketchup ice cream (brought kicking and screaming into existence by this Irish madhouse in tribute to Ed Sheeran) is mayonnaise ice cream, whose very presence in this world is making me a little sadder to be alive.
In theory, ice cream and mayonnaise sound like they might work together; after all, with dairy and egg yolks, the key ingredients in mayonnaise are part of what makes ice cream so delicious. In theory. But, without the flavouring and sugar, you're left with a pale shadow of what went before; like salty cake, or cheesy rice.
Wrong in so many ways.
For this, you can thank ICE. No, not the immigration centres in America; an ice creamery out in Falkirk, Scotland, who posted this madness on their Instagram page for all to see. "Who knows a mayo addict?" boasts the caption, but if you were into mayonnaise, just looking at that picture will make you want to switch to ketchup or mustard.
Restoring my faith in humanity somewhat, most of the comments on this Instagram post are of the negative variety, ridiculing this... creative new flavour of ice cream. Just kidding: most people are pretty open to voluntarily putting this into their mouths. Did not see that coming.
“I thought it was #justwrongonsomanylevels but then I tried it!!! It’s actually really nice, creamy and rich,” said one Instagram commenter, while on Facebook, a user by the name of Nidal Saed revealed something rather horrifying about themselves: “I want one soooo bad. I love mayo. I can eat it by the spoon.”
Wow. I stand corrected, you guys; apparently, not only is not nauseating, but it's filling a niche that I did not know existed. Huh. Maybe I was wrong about pineapple pizza, too.