In defence of pineapple pizza, the redheaded stepchild of the pizza family

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By VT

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So, you've been told you shouldn't eat pineapple pizza because those who do will be subject to eternal damnation in the afterlife - but you ate it anyway. Maybe you were trying to be cool and anti-establishment; maybe your crush is a fan.

Maybe you were with your friends and the place you ordered pizzas from had a deal on that included pineapple pizza with no substitutions, so you had to get it - the pizzas come, but you look away for two seconds and all the good slices are gone and pineapple is all that you're left with.

Maybe - and just maybe - you actually like the taste of it. I'm here to tell you it's okay to be comfortable in that body.

No, this isn't a push from the powers above me to purposely go against popular opinion in order to 'trigger' internet dwellers into a turf war on our pages, subsequently benefiting financially off all the people who feel the need to voice their opinions on a very trivial subject - that is mostly dependent on upbringing and personal preference as opposed to any real science - but a plea for you to consider: pineapple pizza is actually the best pizza you can eat.

Still here? Great - allow me to explain myself. Pizza, we can all agree, is a glorious thing - all kinds of cheese welded gloriously onto a rich but light tomato sauce, atop crunchy yet soft bread (I'm getting hungry talking about it) but it cries out for something to contrast and compliment the dairy tartness we are so used to with the years of eating pasta and parmesan for dinner. It needs a sharp switch-up.

Pineapple on pizza - when browned enough - provides a wicked chunky crunch to your mouthful. Its sweetness is strong enough to stand out but not overwhelm the aforementioned tart dairy because of the reduction due to the browning or crisping.

A lot of pineapple pizza creators out there (like the one above) don't really brown their pineapple - they kind of just sit there raw for aesthetic, and open up repressed memories of the first time PP haters first tried it and were disgusted that raw tropical fruit was on their delicious pizza. Browning your pineapple is the key.

[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/BjL643iAioF/?tagged=pineapplepizza]]

Ham and olive work well as complementary toppings because they provide a saltiness that the cheese doesn't. Olives aren't as common on a typical pineapple pizza or Hawaiian (which by the way was named that because some random guy put a can of "Hawaiian" brand tinned pineapples on a pizza, not because it was invented in Hawaii - it was invented in Ontario) but just as tasty.

Other factors can come into play: the dough being used, how long you're cooking your pizza for, whether it's shop bought, but I think everyone should give pineapple on pizza a second try. You were too quick to jump on Twitter and condemn. Besides - I think the real enemy here is anchovies. Nobody likes anchovies.

In defence of pineapple pizza, the redheaded stepchild of the pizza family

vt-author-image

By VT

Article saved!Article saved!

So, you've been told you shouldn't eat pineapple pizza because those who do will be subject to eternal damnation in the afterlife - but you ate it anyway. Maybe you were trying to be cool and anti-establishment; maybe your crush is a fan.

Maybe you were with your friends and the place you ordered pizzas from had a deal on that included pineapple pizza with no substitutions, so you had to get it - the pizzas come, but you look away for two seconds and all the good slices are gone and pineapple is all that you're left with.

Maybe - and just maybe - you actually like the taste of it. I'm here to tell you it's okay to be comfortable in that body.

No, this isn't a push from the powers above me to purposely go against popular opinion in order to 'trigger' internet dwellers into a turf war on our pages, subsequently benefiting financially off all the people who feel the need to voice their opinions on a very trivial subject - that is mostly dependent on upbringing and personal preference as opposed to any real science - but a plea for you to consider: pineapple pizza is actually the best pizza you can eat.

Still here? Great - allow me to explain myself. Pizza, we can all agree, is a glorious thing - all kinds of cheese welded gloriously onto a rich but light tomato sauce, atop crunchy yet soft bread (I'm getting hungry talking about it) but it cries out for something to contrast and compliment the dairy tartness we are so used to with the years of eating pasta and parmesan for dinner. It needs a sharp switch-up.

Pineapple on pizza - when browned enough - provides a wicked chunky crunch to your mouthful. Its sweetness is strong enough to stand out but not overwhelm the aforementioned tart dairy because of the reduction due to the browning or crisping.

A lot of pineapple pizza creators out there (like the one above) don't really brown their pineapple - they kind of just sit there raw for aesthetic, and open up repressed memories of the first time PP haters first tried it and were disgusted that raw tropical fruit was on their delicious pizza. Browning your pineapple is the key.

[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/BjL643iAioF/?tagged=pineapplepizza]]

Ham and olive work well as complementary toppings because they provide a saltiness that the cheese doesn't. Olives aren't as common on a typical pineapple pizza or Hawaiian (which by the way was named that because some random guy put a can of "Hawaiian" brand tinned pineapples on a pizza, not because it was invented in Hawaii - it was invented in Ontario) but just as tasty.

Other factors can come into play: the dough being used, how long you're cooking your pizza for, whether it's shop bought, but I think everyone should give pineapple on pizza a second try. You were too quick to jump on Twitter and condemn. Besides - I think the real enemy here is anchovies. Nobody likes anchovies.