Donald Trump once tried to intimidate Jon Hamm and it fell flat

Donald Trump once tried to intimidate Jon Hamm and it fell flat

Picture yourself at an SNL afterparty. Amy Poehler is there. Tina Fey is telling jokes beside an ice sculpture. Steve Carell is somewhere showing off his rubber-band-finger-trick skills. You're Jon Hamm. Okay, yeah, this isn't create-a-character. You're Jon Hamm and you're standing in the middle of all the commotion, chatting with Scarlett Johansson or someone like that, when a pair of giant suited men saunter toward you.

Who are these suited men? On the right, weighing in at 236 pounds, Donald John Trump, the reality star and real estate developer who seemed to spin the entire world on his fingertip. Balding, tan, orange and wide, he resembles Garfield synthesized with the DNA of Lou Ferrigno. On the left, Bill O'Reilly, just as tall as Trump, the elderly and angry man who runs the Fox News empire out of his 8 PM time-slot, only a wisp of hair upon his head, liverspots the size of his eyes creeping up his leathered face.

They approach you. They tower over you. They try to assert themselves as the key figures of this party. If you were you, you'd be screwed. Cower down, shake their hands, and listen to them wax non-poetic about the trivialities of their lives. But you're Jon Hamm. You don't have to take their shit for one second.

"He was with Bill O'Reilly," explained Jon Hamm (or you, you're still Jon Hamm in this choose-your-own adventure). "They’re both tall dudes. And I’m a tall dude. And they both do that tall-dude thing, which is try to intimidate you. And it doesn’t work on me."

This is what he told The New York Times in a recent interview, recounting Donald's show business days, where before he was performing statecraft and passing legislation, he was schmoozing with the very monied elites he claims to despise. In those days, Hamm and Trump came from the same industry. Media men. They have their egos, don't they? As all men of a certain prideful stature and position do.

Hamm continues:

"I’m like, 'I’m as alpha as you. Let’s go. You’re not going to chest-bump me. It was a very weird night. It was the shortest I’ve ever stayed at an SNL after-party."

I couldn't imagine Donald Trump or Bill O'Reilly trying to chest bump anybody. No wonder Hamm left. It sounds rather awkward, the same as in that one Republican Presidential debate, when Ben Carson stayed behind the curtain as all the other candidates strode past him, their names called, and only Donald Trump stayed behind with the good doctor. Maybe he's just an awkward guy. A big, awkward guy who wants to run every situation he's in.

But you're Jon Hamm. You too can stand against Donald Trump. Remember the spirit of Hamm, refusing to be cowed by these giants, and embody their spirit! No matter who you are, you can do it too. Whether it's Donald Trump, Bill Clinton or any other tall guy with a big legacy, be ready to stand right up to them and not let them push you around like a little 5'4" Zuckerberg (sorry, Mark).

Short men unite - behind Jon Hamm. I mean, he is 6'2". But height is like the ocean. There's always a bigger fish. Stay humble.