Medical experts are begging women to end new trend of using cucumbers to cleanse their vaginas
Hello, and welcome to another edition of doctors telling people to stop doing stupid sh*t. Today, a doctor has had to come out and warn women not to stick cucumbers up their vaginas.
The advice comes after a bizarre craze has swept the web, whereby women are using a cucumber as a douche for their vagina. Seriously guys, what is wrong with you? Why am I having to write this article?
Creatively dubbed the "vagina facial", the ridiculous craze involves putting a peeled edition of everyone's favourite salad staple into your private parts before twisting it around for about 20 minutes. The craze was first started by a group of bloggers (of course), who claim that the fruit's high vitamin value means that it sanitises the vagina and gives it a pleasant odour. They also claim that the fruit can also reduce the chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, although this hasn't been backed up with any sort of solid evidence.
But an expert (who as it happens, is also a blogger), has now come forward to warn that the practice could actually leave people at a greater risk of infections, such a gonorrhoea and even HIV.
Dr Jen Gunter, a Canadian gynaecologist, says that washing your bits with a cucumber will upset the pH balance of your private parts, leaving you susceptible to infections. Not done there, Jen says that the cucumber will actually cause your vagina to smell bad and she drilled home her message eloquently, saying: "'if you have a vagina you should definitely not do this".
"This idea that some kind of vaginal cleansing is required, be it a peeled cucumber or the 'feminine washes' sold at drugstores, is misogyny dressed up as health care and I am having none of it," she wrote on her blog.
"Vaginas are not dirty. Study after study after study tells us that douches, cleanses, steams, vinegar, pH balancing products, aloe, colloidal silver, garlic or whatever else passing as the vaginal snake oil du jour at best do nothing but have real potential for harming good bacteria or disrupting the mucosal surface."
"By damaging lactobacilli and the mucosa, attempts at vaginal cleansing increase a woman's risk of contracting gonorrhoea or HIV if she is exposed.
"Paradoxically, it will also cause odour."
Cucumbers aren't the only thing that women have been chucking up their vagina, with a bunch of them also apparently "glitter bombing" their private parts, something experts said was dangerous. However, it did bring about the greatest tweet of all time, so they can be forgiven for that.
Not only is putting a cucumber up your vagina stupid, but also cucumbers can pick up all sorts of fungi and bugs due to the fact that they grow in a vegetable patch. To put it simply, you don't really want these things coming into contact with your intimate parts.
"Cucumbers seem prone to all kinds of nasty fungi and I just don't think anything capable of getting blossom end rot [a type of vegetable rot] should go in a vagina."
"All in all I'd say it's probably wise to not introduce an object with unknown plant microorganisms into your vagina.
"And no, a little wash in the kitchen sink it's going to sterilise the cucumber."
So there you have it ladies, I'm pretty sure you don't need a doctor to tell you this... but save those cucumbers for your salad.