6 Things every sex expert says you need to know about having sex
As Salt-N-Pepa famously sung way back in 1990, "let's talk about sex, baby."
Sex, hanky-panky, the deed, banging, whatever you call it - you can't deny its importance. It seems like we are constantly surrounded by sexual imagery, whether that is in adverts, music videos or on the television. As a species, it's safe to say that humans are pretty obsessed with the art of doing it. But, while we've been getting jiggy with each other for thousands of years, we're still struggling to fully get our heads around what should be a wholly enjoyable experience.
While some of us would say we have brilliant sex lives, full of enjoyment and pleasure, others aren't so lucky. However, luckily for us, a very friendly sex therapist has shared the six things that everyone needs to know about sex.
1. There is no reason why women should orgasm less than men
While it may be a more common occurrence for the man to orgasm during heterosexual intercourse, this does not mean that women shouldn't orgasm as well.
It's been reported that women who have sex with men only orgasm 65 per cent of the time, so about two thirds. However, women who have sex with women reach their climax 86 per cent of the time. So, gents, it's not that your woman can't orgasm, it's just you're not finishing her off. There's a variety of reasons for this, woman-on-woman sex doesn't have the same "set menu" that heterosexual intercourse has and it's also likely to be more unpredictable and go on for much longer. Basically, up your game, fellas.
2. Pain is never ok
As a general rule, sex shouldn't be painful unless you get a thrill out of being hurt. Sex is something which is meant to be enjoyed, and you need to be turned on and relaxed in order to enjoy it. If you're in the right frame of mind before partaking in intercourse, your body should react in a such a way that pain won't come into play during sex. However, if you are experiencing pain during sex, it's recommended that you seek out your local clinic or GP to check for infection.
3. No such thing as "normal"
There is no such thing as "normal sex". What you enjoy and what you don't enjoy is relative to you and you should enjoy having sex in your own way. While the likes of porn and mainstream movies tell us to have sex in a certain way, if you and your partner enjoy doing things differently then that's fine. Sex is meant to be light-hearted and if there's one place that shouldn't be governed by societal constraints, it's in the sack.
4. Communication is key
As with all aspects of a relationship, communication is a key component of sex. If you're able to effectively communicate your likes and dislikes, it will lead to more enjoyable and better intercourse. This can be done in a variety of ways and it's all about whatever suits your partner best. Some people would rather physically guide their partner during sex, while others would rather sit down and talk about it - whatever works for you.
5. Sex doesn't just mean penetrative sex
There a variety of different ways we can get sexual with each other, and not all of them involve having penetrative sex. Penetrative sex represents just a small aspect of what humans can do to each other and if you're having the same, predictable intercourse, it can quickly lose its erotic nature. Previous studies have shown that couples who have the same sex all of the time have a lower sexual function than those who mix it up. After all, variety is the spice of life, people!
6. It's okay to get distracted from time-to-time
It's happened to us all during sex and it's impossible not to feel bad. You'll be deep into intercourse when suddenly you think "S**t. Where are my house keys?" While it can be a bit embarrassing, it's not unusual and it doesn't signify a major problem in your sex life. It's common for people to get distracted, and with the rise of mindfulness in society, it is becoming easier to train your brain into focusing on the moment, rather than other things. Practice mindfulness in other parts of your life and it will creep its way into the bedroom, culminating in a more immersive and enjoyable sexual experience.
As said previously, sex is about enjoyment and these six things that a sex therapist wants you to know about should increase your sexual fulfilment. Now go out there and enjoy yourselves!