These are the biggest insecurities men have when it comes to dating women

These are the biggest insecurities men have when it comes to dating women

Dating is an unnecessarily stressful process. Firstly, you've got to find someone you like, then you have to assess whether they like you back (or can even mildly tolerate you), and then you have to play a bunch of mind games in which there is no real winner; because apparently being up front about these things isn't really socially acceptable.

It's no surprise, then, that a great deal of men find the whole dating scene pretty intimidating. Finding somebody you're attracted to isn't that hard (I fall in love with about three people on the train every day) but the steps after that can throw up some problems.

Here's some of the biggest insecurities guys have when it comes to dating women, and some straightforward words of advice on how to deal with them:

1. Appearance

They say that looks aren't everything, but we still put a great deal of value on them. Lots of men worry that they aren't attractive enough to even approach, let alone date, a woman. However, the truth is that women prefer a guy with charisma, and you don't need to be conventionally good-looking to have it. Although it definitely helps if you keep yourself looking neat and clean, and it never hurts to invest in some breath mints.

2. Experience

There's a certain bragging culture amongst men that doesn't really exist in female circles. Guys are always talking about how many girls they've taken home or made out with, but women don't actually care that much. So, if you're worried that you might not have as much experience as the next guy: don't. What matters more is that you care about her, and that you will do your best to make her happy.

3. Audience

The trouble with approaching women in public is that they're usually out with friends, and nobody wants an audience. Lots of men report feeling intimidated by groups of women, and find it easier to talk to someone alone. Well, as a woman, I can tell you that we don't really appreciate being chatted up when there's nobody else around. But, if you're able to show that you can interact with a group of women on more casual terms, that's going to work in your favour.

4. Rejection

I'm sure we've all experienced rejection before. Not necessarily in a dating scenario, either. I've been turned down from jobs, missed out on party invites, and been snubbed by colleagues that I was just trying to make friendly conversation with. And yeah, it sucks. But you know what? If you really care about somebody, the risk of getting a little bit embarrassed will be well worth the reward if it pays off. And if it doesn't, who cares? It's part of life, and nobody can blame you for trying.

5. Money

Despite increasing strides for equality across all genders, there still exists this chauvinistic idea that men have to pay for everything. Guys, let me tell you this straight: you don't. I'm sure most women would actually prefer to split the bill on a date, and, if you can't afford to go out, get creative. Putting time and effort into something is more important than putting money into it, and dating on a budget is probably a lot easier than you think.

6. Home

This sort of ties into the above point, but lots of men worry that - aside from not being the richest guy in the world - they don't have a particularly impressive home. Maybe you share with a few roommates, maybe you live above a particularly noisy restaurant, hell - maybe you live with your parents. So what? As long as you keep your personal space clean and tidy, and it's not somewhere that your lady friend is going to feel intimidated by, it's not going to be too much of an issue. Some factors might make dating trickier, granted, but it shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

7. Expectations

For some men, the biggest hindrance when it comes to making a move is their own expectations. And I'm not necessarily talking about underestimating someone, but overestimating a person, too. What happens if you finally get that date with the girl, and she's nothing like what you expected? Well, in a similar vein to the rejection point, sh*t happens. However, if you know a person well enough to know that you like them, you shouldn't let your expectations cloud your judgement. Let her be herself, and you stick to doing you.

Overall, then, it seems the underlying common denominator for all these points is a simple lack of confidence. And I know it's easier to simply point that out than it is to offer some advice on how to go about changing it, but, really, only you can address your own insecurities.

When you're talking to someone you're interested in, the most important thing to remember is that they are just another human being. They probably have a ton of insecurities of their own, and yours will be the last things they're thinking about. Basically, just be yourself.