Uber drivers reveal the deepest secrets they've ever heard from their customers
Come on, admit it. There are dozens of Uber drivers who have carted you here and there over the years, and chances are that some of those trips are a bit of a drunken blur. You might wake up one morning with a significant dip in your rating and wonder, "what the devil did I do in that car last night?"
Apparently, Uber drivers have ears as sharp as a bat. So think again the next time you choose to knock back their attempts at small talk or giving them a rating of 2 because they were "sullen" – these guys probably have some dirt on you. The small confines of the car and the gentle throb of music in the background mean it's actually really difficult not to hear what every passenger is slurring at you, or shouting at their friends, or confessing on the phone.
They can hear everything.
On the other hand, some people feel the comfort of the car and the opportunity to engage the attention of a complete stranger is actually the perfect place to volunteer some of their most pressing confessions. It's a chance to get whatever it is off their chest.
In a recent Reddit thread, Uber drivers shared the deepest secrets they've overheard from passengers. Here are 12 of the best:
1. Let's hope he gave himself a good rating while he had the chance
"I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute. So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a cellphone ring in my backseat, realize it's my previous ride's, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I'll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guy's wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress."
2. She just needed someone to talk to
"Picked up a girl mid Saturday. She was a bit upset and a little teary and opened up to me. Turned out a business she had started was failing and she was in debt and had turned to stripping on the side to cover the bills."
3. This guy's in a bit of a pickle
"He told me he's madly in love with his fiancé's best friend and he couldn't back out now. He'd been with this girl 4 years, and engaged for 1, ready to be married in a few months."
4. Better be a little more discreet or they'll have what's coming to them
"Picked up 2 dudes. They were talking about how they were going to keep hiding their relationship from their wives and children. Pretty messed up stuff."
5. Well, he's certainly open about it now
"I picked up a dude at 2:30 AM that was finishing up a pub crawl. The dude was dressed in a purple dinosaur onesie and was HAMMERED. He got in and started telling me his entire life story and how he came out to his parents and moved across the country the next day."
6. This one is a little heartbreaking
"Picked a girl up a sweet girl from a bar on a Wednesday night - absolutely hammered, about 10pm. She got into my car, apologized for being so drunk and politely asked if we could just drive around a little while, with the windows down. I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to drive and pull a vomit bag out of the glove box, but no, she just did that airplane thing with one hand out the backseat window. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, yeah - I guess so.
That's when she told me that she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone to consider chemo. I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and she was going to be okay. Tonight she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was taking a position abroad. 'I just didn't tell them that abroad was heaven.' Jesus. F**king. Christ. I turned off my app and cried my a** all the way home."
7. A friendship that went full circle
"Once I had 2 girls and a guy declare their love for each other as friends and saying they should hang out more often when they got in the car and by the time I dropped them off they hated each other and never wanted to speak again. My tongue was bleeding by the end of the ride from trying not to laugh my a** off. I cracked a few smiles, I wonder if they ever noticed. They were fighting over the new football coach at the local uni."
8. Overly friendly passengers
"I picked up a guy from a gay bar and he was noticeably coming on to me. He then confessed that he was one of the founders of a very popular gaming company and offered me $2000 dollars to come up to his room. He also refused to leave my car unless I kissed his hand. Fun times."
9. Too much information
"I picked up this one guy who told me all about his anal warts. Apparently, they were simply huge."
10. Finding out a little bit about yourself while you're at it
"My friend Ubers in my hometown. Picked up some really nice girls out on First Friday. They're talking about their plans for next autumn. Guy thinks he recognizes one of them, turns out to be my younger sister and he tells me all about it. And that's how I found out my little sister was moving to Spain."
11. Secrets that not all passengers are OK with
"Picked up a guy last night that confided in me that he was afraid people of lesser races were going to steal all his shit. The rest of his family who were in the car promptly told him to shut up, and apologized for his behavior."
12. It's a whole new world out there
"I picked up a young girl in town to sleep with her sugar daddy via a website for older men and younger women. She said she makes $10k a weekend doing it."
So think twice, if you can, the next time you're in an Uber. These guys listen, and these guys remember.