What do women find attractive in men? Is it being physically fit, with a muscular body, like Dwayne "The Rock Johnson"? Is it being suave, with an impeccable taste in style, like Idris Elba? Or is it having a lot of money, like Scrooge McDuck, who was voted "World's Most Sexiest Duck" ten years in a row? This mystery has haunted men for centuries - until now!
Thanks to a recent poll, we finally know what women fancy. For years, we dudes have sought this elusive information. It's the most precious of treasures - The Ark of the Covenant, The Crown Jewels of King John and Dr. Dre's Detox all rolled into one. And guess what? It turns out that women what find attractive can be really, really weird...1. Beer bellies. Finally! An excuse to cancel that gym membership. 2. Sweat pants. The only kind of pants you need. 3. Being cool with periods. Want to talk about your cycle, girl? I am bloody psyched. 4. Ankles. That's it -- I'm never wearing shoes or socks again. (Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it) 5. A sleepy voice. Because there's nothing sexier than Ben Stein. 6. Veins. I always knew women were vein. 7. Being handy around the house. (And as a bonus, while you're fixing something, you can loosen your belt, and show a little "back cleavage") 8. Hands. I bet Goro from Mortal Kombat gets so much play. 9. Giving tight hugs. But not so tight they'll suffocate. That's how Superman killed Lois Lane. Rest in peace. 10. Playing baseball. Or having something in common with your girlfriend's dead grandfather? Hire a medium and interview your girlfriend's dead grandfather. 11. Singing off-key. Sorry, Harry Styles - you're not as sexy as me singing "Despacito" in the shower. 12. Calloused hands. This is why Boro, Goro from Mortal Kombat's blue collar brother, who's a mechanic, gets so much play. 13. His smell "after a long, hard of work." Why doesn't Axe Body Spray make this scent? 14. Knowing complicated words. Well, isn't that serendipitous, for an ebullient, loquacious lothario such as myself? 15. Being a dad. That's it - I'm renting a kid. Can you rent kids? There's gotta be a Netflix for kids. If not, I'm hiring a little person to pretend to be my kid. 16. Having "attractive necks to hickie." Apparently, some girls are vampires. Bring it on, Bella. 17. Necks, in general. Uh, okay? Turns out a lot of women are neck-romancers.
Hey, it explains why Yarael Poof from the Jedi Council in Star Wars got so much play.
But knowing who Yarael Poof is does not get any play. Seriously, guys. We learned a lot about what women find attractive today, but do not under any circumstances mention Yarael Poof. Trust me.