Here are 20 marriage traditions the royal family must follow
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are engaged, and almost everybody is really happy about it. The new royal couple has broken quite a few traditions: They discuss their private relationship in interviews, Meghan's already been married before, and, most scandalous of all, they hold hands in public. (The horror, the horror).
However, when these rebels get married in the spring, there are twenty strict traditions they'll have to follow. Some are normal, and some are pretty weird:
1. The bride must wear white
Sorry, Meghan. No plaid wedding dress for you!
2. They must take an official portrait.
And whoever does "bunny ears" is deported.
3. Queen Elizabeth II must send out the wedding invitations.
For Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding, she sent out 1,900 invitations. Fun fact: she signs them, "Sincerely, The Quizzle."
4. The bride must carry a sprig of myrtle.
It's a flower known as the "herb of love." Also, "sprig of myrtle" is the most British phrase ever.
5. The reception must have two cakes, and the traditional flavor is fruitcake.
Fruitcake?! I guess it's better than stargazey pie. That's a pastry pie topped with fish heads. British people suck at food.
6. The bride must leave her bouquet at the grave of the "unknown warrior."
Do not try to "catch" it, single bridesmaids!
7. The bride must wear a tiara.
But - this important - she cannot be a toddler.
8. The royal family must pay for the wedding.
"Ha ha, suckers!" said Meghan Markle's family.
9. They must have "page boys" and little girl "bridesmaids."
Instead just having a flower girl and a ring bearer, they have a bunch boys and girls in formal attire, to ensure maximum cuteness.
10. Woman who marry royal successors must take their husband's title.
That means instead of being called "Prince Meghan," she'll be called "Princess Harry." Ha ha! Take that, feminists! Shots fired!
11. The royal family must sit on the right side of the church.
And no one can fart. The left side is "the farting zone."
12. You must not marry a Catholic.
The royals are the heads of the Church of Scientology - whoops, I mean the Church of England. That's Protestant, and the 1701 Act of Settlements prohibits them from marrying Catholics. Meghan's not Catholic, but she did go to Catholic school, so she agreed to be baptized into the Church of England before the ceremony. Man, who knew people took religion so seriously?
13. Female guests must wear hats.
"Thank God!" said female guests with bald spots.
14. They must have two receptions.
And Piers Morgan is not allowed at either one. That dude gets puke-drunk every single time.
15. The Royals must get the Queen's permission to marry.
They key to winning her affection is to buy her a case of Bud Light. Queen Elizabeth II loves Bud Light.
16. The newlyweds must make an appearance at Buckingham Palace after the ceremony.
And don't "mess with" the stoic guards. They hate it.
17. The groom must wear military regata.
So much cooler than a tuxedo.
18. The royal wedding bands must contain Welsh gold.
Get that Ukrainian gold out of here!
19. The male must have a "stag party" (not a bachelor party) and the female must have a "hen party" (not a bachelorette party).
And the Queen must have a "lemon party." Sorry. I'm not invited to the wedding, am I?
20. A piece of the wedding cake must be mailed out to guests as a "thank you."
Man, I check my mail every, and hope there's cake inside. Every day!
If you're planning your wedding, and want to give it a royal feel, make sure you follow as many of these traditions as you can. Especially the cake-mailing. That needs to become a regular thing.