Woman who thinks she's a reporter actually solves an arson case on Facebook Live
People trust the mainstream media less than ever. CNN is "fake news," Fox News is "Republican propaganda," and Cat Fancy Magazine has a clear bias against dogs. It seems like every news outlet has an agenda, and distorts the truth.
Luckily, with cameras in every phone, everyone has the tools to become a citizen journalist. But few reporters are as awesome (and hilarious) as Rhoda Young.
When a house caught on fire in Norfolk, Virginia, Rhoda drove there with her trusty cameraman, and broadcast her adventure on Facebook Live. "We on the scene of this bitch!" she announces, which is such a great opening quote. Anderson Cooper wishes he could come up with something that good.
"This is Rhoda Young, reporting live!" she says, repeatedly, perhaps too many times, but it's okay. "I'm a volunteer," she explains, as the flames rage behind her. "And this house fire is on full active duty now."
Suddenly, she runs into a man sitting in the grass across the street. He's drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon, although she calls it "red, blue and white draft beer." The man tells her that's his house on fire, but seems surprisingly chill about it. "That's your house? Oh god! Bless you," exclaims Rhoda. "Now let me ask you this: How did it start on fire?" "I don't know," replies the man. "Was you home?" presses Rhoda. "Yeah," he replies. Interesting...
As the electrical wiring falls off the house, Rhoda provides commentary: "Oh s--t, f--k, f--k, let's get out of here! I need to get this street blocked off." There's no explanation for why a Thanksgiving-themed Snapchat filter reading "Thankful" appears on the bottom of the screen, but just go with it. Hey, it's better than the lower news ticker.
At this point, Rhoda discovers the man with the PBR has visible burns, and puts the whole case together. "The owner of the house was upstairs when the fire started," says Rhoda. "Doing my investigation, I have now discovered his motherf-----g hair was on fire, and his pants is burned off his damn leg. So he was right there when the fire started, and he got a six pack of goddamn PBR."
Rhoda tries to tell the firefighters how the fire started. They don't listen. But like every great journalist, she doesn't give up, and sticks to her story: "Once again, that's the owner, drunk as a motherf-----r!" Eventually, the police arrive, and justice is served.
The cops arrest the man with the PBR, and the "Thankful" filter finally makes sense. We're thankful this guy didn't get away with his crime - well, alleged crime. It's important to use the word alleged, so you don't get sued. "Allegedly this man set his house on fire," says Rhoda. "He has allegedly been placed under arrest. He allegedly admitted to setting his house on fire." We hope this alleged man allegedly sees the alleged error of his alleged ways.
The video ends with Rhoda asking for recognition. "'I did the best job I could do," she says. "And if the Fire Marshal can at least say, 'Thank you, Rhoda Young, for solving this crime and making our job easier,' it would be truly appreciated."
So far, the fire marshal hasn't issued a statement of gratitude. But Rhoda doesn't have to worry about recognition. Her video has a million views on YouTube, and judging by the comments, she's got a lot of fans.
"That’s my girl. She’s the best on scene reporter ever !!!" writes one person. "What I need more of from local news people is yelling oh f--k when they're on the scene," writes another. "[She] needs her own show called Live On The Scene, In This Bitch," writes a third.
We agree. Get on it, CNN!