Buried giant swastika is discovered by builders in Germany

Buried giant swastika is discovered by builders in Germany

In America, we've been engaged in a heated debate over Confederate statues. These are monuments dedicated to those who fought for the South during the Civil War. People with Southern heritage are quick to tell you they fought the Civil War over "state's rights," but that's misleading. The Confederacy revolted against the government to fight for state's rights, yes, but one right in particular - the "right" to practice slavery. I guess saying your ancestors "fought for state's rights" sounds better than "committed treason to keep owning black people."

A lot of people want to take Confederate statues down, because they're offensive reminders of racial oppression. Meanwhile, the other side - including President Trump - thinks they should stay up, because taking them down is tantamount to "erasing history." The critics reply, no, it isn't. You don't learn history from statues. They're built to glorify people. And we shouldn't glorify people that committed treason and were pro-slavery. Look at Germany - does Germany have any monuments dedicated to Nazis? No, they don't. There is not one monument in Germany dedicated to Nazis.

Actually, scratch that. Just found one.

In Hamburg, construction workers were doing renovation work at the Hein Klink Stadium when they made an incredible discovery: They unearthed a gigantic swastika, built from steel reinforced concrete, measuring thirteen feet long. It dates all way back to the Third Reich, making it 70 years old. It's true what they say - you can't escape the past.

Apparently, this was supposed to be the basis for some kind of enormous Nazi memorial. But - spoiler alert - World War 2 didn't exactly go Hitler's way. The plan was abandoned, and the evil symbol was buried a foot underground, kind of like how you'd turn over a couch cushion to hide an embarrassing stain that's also in the form of a swastika. I mean, this thing isn't exactly easy to get rid of - reportedly, even the bulldozer that exposed the crooked cross can't budge it one inch.

In America, we're disturbingly indulgent of hateful monuments, but Germany has no such tolerance. Displaying the swastika is illegal. You can get fined and arrested just for doing the Hitler salute. The only thing considered more offensive to Germans is going to Oktoberfest in Munich and asking for a Bud Light.

"This is a frightful symbol of a terrible past," said local politician David Erkalp, "that must be done away with as soon as possible." Local authorities were notified, and plans to remove it are already underway. If the swastika's too big to move to a museum, or Donald Trump's living room, they plan to dispose of it in a very badass - and very German - way: destroying it with jackhammers. Sounds fun!

Once the swastika's gone, they'll resume renovation of the sports stadium. The plan is to build five dressing rooms for athletes so they can Nazi each other changing. Sorry. That joke was dumb. But you know what else is dumb? Confederate statues. Can we destroy those with jackhammers?