Trump orders NASA to return to the moon, plans trip to Mars

Trump orders NASA to return to the moon, plans trip to Mars

Does Donald Trump make you so mad you want to leave the planet? Good news - you're about to get the chance!

NASA's last manned mission to the moon was in 1998, when Bruce Willis blew up an asteroid - wait. No, that was the movie Armageddon. NASA's last manned mission to the moon was Apollo 17 in 1972. It's been forty-five years since our last space odyssey, and NASA's budget has dropped from 4.5% of the federal budget to less than 0.5%. The chances of returning looked slim.

However, Donald Trump's expressed a real interest in space, possibly because the moon looks like a sweet spot to go golfing. Or maybe he just wants to get away from Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Anyway, today he signed a directive "to lead an innovative space exploration program to send American astronauts back to the moon, and eventually Mars". Finally, we can make the universe great again. (And I'm guessing there will be free one-way moon tickets for "fake news" CNN reporters.)

Trump made the announcement flanked by two famous astronauts: Buzz Lightyear - I mean, Aldrin - and Harrison Schmitt. Buzz was one of the first men to walk on the moon, as part of the Apollo 11 mission in 1969. Harrison Schmitt, known as "Jack," is the last living member of the 1972 mission. It's possible he forgot his credit card on the moon and needs someone to bring it back.

"Forty-five years ago, almost to the minute, Jack became one of the last Americans to land on the Moon," said President Trump. "Today we pledge that he will not be the last, and I suspect we will be finding some other places to land other than the Moon."

By "other places," Trump is referring to Mars, which is pretty exciting. We've wanted to send a crewed mission to the red planet for years, but the plans never worked out, due to the exorbitant cost. But now the wheels are in motion. We can finally find out if Mars supports intelligent life, and build a wall around Earth, so the aliens can't sneak onto our planet illegally.

"This time we will not only plant our flag and leave our footprint," said President Trump. "We will establish a foundation for an eventual mission to Mars and perhaps someday to many worlds beyond." I'm pretty sure this means he will be opening a Trump Hotel on every planet.

Trump said that investing in NASA is important, because space exploration shows America's pioneering spirit. "Today the same spirit beckons us to begin new journeys of exploration and discovery, to lift our eyes all the way up to the heavens and imagine the possibilities waiting in those big beautiful stars if we dream big. This is a giant step towards that inspiring future and reclaiming America's proud destination in space."

We're still waiting to learn more information, but this is pretty awesome news. Also, we've been destroying Earth for about 200,000 years. It's about time we destroyed some other planets. Watch out, universe! We're coming.