People are loving the 'carnivore diet', and it sounds like the craziest diet plan around

People are loving the 'carnivore diet', and it sounds like the craziest diet plan around

Losing weight sucks, you guys.

If I raided an ancient tomb and found a genie who granted me three wishes, at least one of those wishes would be to make it so that I could get Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's body by doing little more than just eating pizza all day. Isn't it just a bummer that the foods that are the most delicious are also the worst for you?

Don't you wish that you didn't have to swap out the steak for the salad? That you could just binge on burgers instead of beans and Brussels sprouts? Well, one diet out there is taking the internet by storm, and I think you'll be very interested in trying it out.

Now, a ton of "doctors", "nutritionists" and "concerned family members" will tell you that eating meat for every single meal is a terrible idea, on account of the "heart disease" and "cancer" that "science" has linked to eating meat. Well, to this I say: fake news! The keto diet and the Atkins diet are testament to what happens if you get rid of the carbs and focus on little more than raw protein, but the carnivore diet takes this idea to its glorious, logical conclusion.

The motto of the carnivore diet is "eat meat, drink water", and I think that no matter how many words I write on the subject, we won't be able to get a purer distillation of the carnivore diet than that. But here I go anyway: advocates of the carnivore diet believe that the fattier the cut of meat, the better. So gorge on those burgers and bacon bits, but ease up on the grilled chicken there, cowboy. That kind of lean meatin' doesn't go down too well in these parts.

Now, you might be suspicious of me, and I personally don't blame you; I too was a skeptic. That is, until I found the World Carnivore Tribe Facebook group, and it all seems to check out. "Will aggressively promote this lifestyle as a potent tool for promoting and restoring excellent health!" screams the group's description, and all over this group are photos of people aggressively enjoying their meat. One of these hearty meal plans is a literal heart.

This... unorthodox diet plan was thought up by Shawn Baker, who made his name as an orthopedic surgeon.

“Kind of sad walking around the store and seeing so many people my age that are just literally deteriorating from a garbage diet of grain, processed carbs, vegetable oils and the illusion of protection by some vegetables,” says a definitely-not-crazy Shawn Baker in a recent Instagram post. "Meanwhile I’m thriving, get stronger [sic] and faster and basically barely aging!"

Sure, having lost his license last year, he may not technically be a doctor anymore, but don't let that pesky "lack of a medical license" discourage you. For a nominal fee of just $49 a month, Shawn Baker can coach you to eat nothing but red meat all day, using the Carnivore Training System - which I'm assuming includes revolutionary, unheard-of techniques such as "differentiating between meat and not-meat", "not eating vegetables" and "chewing".

Why on earth does he pronounce 'carnivore' that way?

Well, folks: if you're looking to become a 'car-nivorry', you should definitely find out more by joining the Facebook group above. Advocates are saying things like "this is about health", "I still don't have scurvy" and "I am struggling with constipation"!

Seriously, though, please don't try and survive on nothing but red meat. You will have a very bad time.