10 Questions you should definitely be asking on a first date
First dates can certainly be nerve-wracking. I mean, you never quite know what you're in for, especially if it's a result of some late-night Tinder swiping or a blind date that your mates have so... kindly set you up on. The beauty of the first date, however, is how it can either go two ways: disastrously, or surprisingly well.
But while it's safe to say that the majority of us have had more experience with the former, (and have survived to tell some very amusing tales), it appears that it's not enough to just enjoy the rare good date. In fact, experts have asserted that if you're looking for commitment, you should use the first date as an opportunity to learn as much as you can about the other person, rather than soaking up the free food and booze.
In light of this, we took the advice of several psychologists and couples' therapists to find out what exactly we should be asking on first dates... And they all double up as good conversation starters too:
1. If you could get advice from anyone living or dead, who and what would you ask?
"You would be able to tell quite a lot from this question. For example, you’d be able to see how well they think on their feet, how playful or imaginative they are and you’d get a flavor for how worldly they are. Perhaps most obviously, you’d see who they admire, which would tell you if his or her values line up with yours. If they pick a political figure, it could tell you about how conservative or liberal they are. And asking what advice you’d be seeking tells you a lot about their goals in life." - Susan Pease Gadoua, couples therapist and co-author of The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels.
2. What sort of holidays do you like to take?
"Different vacation preferences or amounts of vacation time can be a major source of ongoing incompatibility. For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time." - Alice Boyes, PhD
3. What did you last brag about to your mother?
"Figure out some way to ask what makes your date proudest. You get to see your date light up and see them at their best. Common values are more important to a relationship than common interests and by asking this question, you get to find out what they really value in their life." - Isiah McKimmie, couples therapist.
4. How was your day?
"This question helps establish if your date has a positive or negative attitude? If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in." - Alice Boyes, PhD
5. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
"Only ask this question if you sense that things are going well, as their answer will reveal whether they can let their guard down and tell an entertaining story. Plus, it’s a great way to build an instant 'us vs. them' bond, as it requires the person to subconsciously reflect on how well your date is going compared to the one they’re recounting." - Spencer Scott, psychologist.
6. What could you spend all day chatting about?
"Even a simple question like this ― or simply ‘what are you passionate about?’ ― can clue you in on a person’s values, morals, goals and motivation in life. If your date’s answer is ‘my family,’ then chances are that this person is someone whose priority is to build a prosperous future with a partner both emotionally and financially. If their answer is ‘reality TV,’ be prepared to watch a lot of ‘The Real Housewives." - Carin Goldstein, couples therapist.
7. What dating advice would you give to your younger self?
"You learn about how the person has grown with this question. You also get a sense of how the person sees him or herself then and now, and what could be improved." - Diane Spear, couples therapist.
8. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
"Simply put, this question may reveal a person’s value system and help you discern whether your date is self-absorbed, or generous and caring." - Jeannie Ingram, couples therapist.
9. What's your biggest pet peeve in a significant other?
"On a first date, we all put our best foot forward, but this question can cut through the facade and invite them to give an authentic response. They don’t like messiness and you’re a slob? We may have a problem. They despise country music and so do you? Still in the running." - Ryan Howes, psychologist.
10. Tell me about your friends
"When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them." - Alice Boyes, PhD
Well, there you have it, you can't argue with the advice of experts and if it gets you a second date with someone you like, then we're a fan.