12 people on how they got over their long-term relationship
Heartbreak. It's a universal life experience, much like death, that we all have to go through at some point. In fact, death may be the most apt comparison because when you've been in a long-term relationship, a breakup sure does feel terrible, and permanent.
Regardless of whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, you're going to feel an intrusive medley of emotions which not only makes you feel like your entire world is caving in but convinces you that you will never, ever experience that same depth of love for another person again.
When in the throes of love, every moment you spend with your significant other feels headier than the next. As such, when it's all over, it's very easy to see your time with them as one dizzying collocation of perfect memories - reminiscent of montage scenes of great passion that are in every romance flick that Hollywood has produced.
In reality, it is never that good. In between all the romantic dates and magical moments, there is inevitably arguments, aggression (passive or otherwise) and an overwhelming sense of stagnation and staleness. I mean, as hard as it is to accept, you would not have broken up if your relationship was reminiscent of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Whilst it's important to wallow, process and eat your feelings, you also have to accept that it does eventually get better. Yes, I know that people have repeatedly informed you of that fact, but I am here to once again assure you that every day will bring small improvements, all of which come together, allowing you to look back on the time you spent with your ex with fondness - unless, you know, it all ended catastrophically.
In the meantime, however, whilst you wait for a new beau to materialise or for singleton to suddenly seem attractive again, here are 12 people on what helped them get through the toughest of heartbreaks.
1. Sometimes, everything changes because of a breakup
2. True words of wisdom
3. This Ask Reddit answer is perfect
"Let yourself mourn over the loss. You have to let yourself be sad for a little while.
"This can vary for some people. It could be a week or a month depending on who you are. Don't keep the emotions bottled up. That's when they eat away at you and start taking away from your life. Cry yourself to sleep if you have to. Eat a whole container of Ben and Jerry's in one setting. Watch a lot of stupid stuff on Netflix. A father figure of mine growing up once told me that you have to morn the loss because the emotions are real and the best way to deal with emotions are to do just that, deal with them.
Just a word of caution, [don't] let this morning period go on to long. If it goes from mourning to severe depression seek help. There is nothing wrong with talking with someone. Even if it's just a random guy on the Internet"
4. "Success is the best revenge"
5. You could always, you know, "always upgrade"
6. If not, things really do improve with time
*Time heals all wounds *
"Time really does. One day you will look back on this day and think "life really sucked right then, but look how much better life has gotten". As long as you make positive improvements or at least put forward honest effort towards positive improvements then you will heal and life will become better and much easier. Time will make life easier. But the other steps will make time easier."
7. Repeat this to yourself, often
8. Or you know, there's always this approach
9. It's time to use up those holiday days...
10. This Ask Reddit user recommends a little tipple...
"A good friend, the Legally Blonde movies, and some alcohol. While drunk we made a list together of all the reasons the relationship wasn't great (it was a terrible relationship and I was completely blind).
The next morning I woke up sad and hungover, only to find a surprisingly long and well written list of all the terrible things I'd dealt with during the relationship. I mean, he wasn't an awful guy. He was somewhat emotionally abusive though, and he never cared for me as much I did for him. I guess drunk me saw some things I didn't, or at least I was more willing to admit then to myself after a few drinks.
That list was... sobering. Snapped me right out of it."
11. And this Ask Reddit user recommends getting real angry
"Get angry. Turn sadness into anger and hit the gym. Turn anger into determination. Change your life. Set goals. Then the anger will fade in time, and you'll be left better off than you started."
12. Finally, it's absolutely OK to do this for a while, because breakups are hard
Whilst heartache of any kind is hard to bear, breaking up with someone who you have been committed to for years, and even decades, is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things that you can go through in life. But as these stories show, people do emerge on the other side - but it requires a lot of time, patience and strength.