2017 has already given us a cast of new and terrifying things to try and cope with, including a
rebooted Pennywise, a horde of creepy
octopi literally walking out of the ocean, and this goddam
spider that lived inside a woman's ear for a really long time. So do we really need another thing to have recurring nightmares about? It seems so.
This 6 foot 5 giant plush bear toy from Joyfay listed on Amazon
looked unassuming enough.
But heed my warning... it's a thing of utter terror.
The joyous online description says:
"The Joyfay teddy bear weighs in at 6.5 feet and 18 lbs. No light weights here. This heavyweight offers more huggability than your average bear. Kids and adults alike love to cuddle up with the soft silky giant."
Its smiley face and cute, chubby limbs turned out to be false advertising. According to HORRIFYING images uploaded by Amazon users who were unfortunate enough to be deceived into buying the toy, it actually turns out that this bear looks nothing like its online profile AT ALL.
*Screams internally forever*
It's a MONSTER. The legs are so frighteningly long, as if it would be able to hop up any moment and chase you around the house at an alarming speed due to its long limbs, before cornering you into the basement and murdering you. This thing needs to be killed with fire. STAT.
It's thanks to this tweet that everyone found out the truth about the plush bear of nightmares.
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/cooltonedcutie/status/928706725582028800]]
I mean, it's almost as frightening the "teddy bear with anatomically correct innards" from Rick and Morty that was designed for a young and disturbed Beth, only the thing is that this bear is... real. It's freakin' real! Someone with a vendetta against you could easily purchase that thing from Amazon and ship it straight to your house. So go on, get up and start bolting your door now. NOW!
It turns out that pretty much everyone is a bit disturbed by this hellish product.
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/OGTommyP/status/928823186933854209]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/duweman07/status/928833282430644224]]
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/kitzfuhel/status/928822274592989184]]
The reviews on Amazon reveal that people who purchased the bear seem to be genuinely distressed.
One person called the toy "freakishly terrifying", saying the description of the product lacked emphasis "in the giant pendulous legs that haunt the lower two thirds of this stuffed freak bear".
"After we took him out of the box with my daughters," the reviewer went on, "I expected it to hop up and sprint away down the street with a fingerless fist raised in victory."
"My daughter tries to hug the bear and she gets trapped in a serpentine mass of bare legs. She won't keep it in her room anymore because her friends won't visit because of the nightmares. Joyfay should sell some sort of amputation and patch kit for parents that want a more desirable short legged bear."
Yikes. Another wrote in a review titled "Legs are awful." that the legs made the "hideous" bear "look like a creepy gumby thing". The reviewer said they would have preferred a "more proportional bear".
Someone else said: "I had this shipped to an in-laws house to hold it until Christmas and she called to say 'Your bear with the freakishly long legs arrived'."
Others called the thing "disproportional and creepy" while someone else left a straightforward, but emphatic review saying: "I did not like it!"
I know what I will NOT be putting on my Christmas wishlist this year...
