Back in the medieval ages, when a Lord gave another Lord a gift, everyone was supposed to perform adulation for the joy of their Lords. Today, we do this of our own free accord, showing that the lizard people will have a rather easy time colonizing us.
In today's news,
Lady Gaga is in the hospital, having missed a show in Brazil on her Joanne World Tour due to severe and non-stop leg pain. In her hospital post, Gaga said:
"Brazil, I'm devastated that I'm not well enough to come to Rock In Rio. I would do anything 4 u but I have to take care of my body right now. I ask for your grace and understanding, and promise that I will come back and perform for you soon. I'm so sorry, and I love you so much."
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When she was in the hospital, Beyonce reached out to show a sign of support. What did she do? She sent her a sweatshirt. Yes, Beyonce sent Lady Gaga a sweatshirt. For your information: Beyonce mailed Lady Gaga a sweatshirt. Ooh. Did you know? Sweatshirt.
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Here's what Gaga said about the sweatshirt:
"Not having a good pain day. Thank you honey B for sending me this comfy sweatshirt. Keeps me warm outside in a hammock so I can be w the trees, and the sky, and the sun and take deep breaths. Feel so lucky to have so much love"
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Gaga said this about her chronic pain:
"There is an element and a very strong piece of me that believes pain is a microphone. My pain does me no good unless I transform it into something that is. So I hope people watching it who do struggle with chronic pain know that they're not alone. It's freeing for me ... and I want people that struggle with it to hear me.
"There is a degree of self-deprecation and shame with feeling in pain a lot. And I want people that watch it — that think there's no way I live [with chronic pain] because they see me dance and sing and don't think that could possibly be — to know I struggle with things like them. I work through it and it can be done. We have to stick together. I don't have to hide it because I'm afraid it's weak. It's a part of me, and I'm grateful to Chris for caring. The compassion is overwhelming. That's why it makes me emotional. It's very touching."
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Gaga also credits Beyonce for being a major inspiration in her musical career:
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"Thank you so much honey B. Miss you. this was so kind. If I hadn't seen your videos on TV at grandmas house after I got dropped from def jam records, I would have given up. You inspire us all. The dream you embody kept me going."
By the way, I had to remove about a dozen horrible emojis from all of Gaga's posts to get them to post properly. In the future, people will communicate exclusively with emojis. E-mail me in twenty years, I swear to God this celebrity news will be delivered entirely in emojis, not in human language.
This is the future:
Mark Zuckerberg announces that insurance premiums are rising 1000% to pay for megacity prison infrastructure. You all post thousands of angry reacts on Facebook. Nothing happens.
In other news, please read this, about
Chinese strippers.
