Once upon a time, there was a rapper named Cardi, who made money moves. She liked expensive things, like red bottoms, also known as bloody shoes. One day she fell in love with a rapper named Offset, from the Georgia hip-hop trio Migos. He liked women that were bad and boujee, the type of gal who would cook up dope with an Uzi. When Cardi and Offset met, it was love at first sight.
They had a child together, a baby girl named Kulture, named after the title of Migos' first breakout album. The hip-hop superstars blew up at the same time, making chart-topping songs about drip, Patek watches and how much they turn each other on. When the pair revealed they secretly got married in November 2017, nobody was surprised. Like Romeo and Juliet, and Beren and Lúthien, Cardi and Offset's romance sprung eternal.
However, in December 2018, tragedy struck! In an Instagram video, Cardi announced that she and Offset were separating: "I've been trying to work things out with my baby father for a hot minute now," said the I Like It rapper. "We're really good friends and you know we're really good business partners... But things just haven't been working out between us for a long time, and it's nobody's fault. It's just, like, I guess we grew out of love, but we're not together anymore."
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Fans reeled from the news, wondering how their sweet relationship could have turned so sour. Then a media outlet called TMZ reported that Offset allegedly tried to set up a three-way with a rapper named Cuban Doll and an Instagram model named Summer Bunni. Bunni appeared to confirm the rumor in a tearful video apologizing to Cardi B: "I didn't know how serious his marriage was," said the 20-year-old. "It took until today to get into this, seeing everything... I never wanted to break up a happy home."
As their relationship crumbled to ashes, Offset discovered he still had feelings for Cardi, and wanted to win her back. During her concert in Los Angels, he stormed the stage, surprising his beloved with a banner made out of red and white roses. It read "TAKE ME BACK, CARDI," he delivered a heartfelt apology: "I just want to tell you I’m sorry bruh. In person. In front of the world," he said in front of the crowd. But Be Careful star had no such intention. She looked furious, and ordered the groveling rapper off stage.
However, it appears Offset's big stunt might have worked after all. On Friday, TMZ reported that Cardi B and Offset were spotted jet skiing together in Puerto Rico. In the photos, the two hug and smile on the watercraft, frolicking in the deep blue sea. Eye-witnesses told TMZ that they seemed like they were a couple again. And just like that, those two star-crossed lovers, Cardi and Offset, lived happily after ever.
Or did they? Maybe Cardi will start dating that old man from Carpool Karaoke...
To be continued...