Ladies and gentleman, the greatest Christmas present for loved ones, co-workers, Secret Santas, and even people you don't like is finally here.
Yes, there won't be any blue balls this Christmas, thanks to this cheeky penis-shaped hot water bottle that is not just hilarious to look at, but practical too.
This WWE Superstar certainly appreciates the comedy behind a dong:Available from Firebox, the Penis Hot Water Bottle is guaranteed to keep you nice and cozy on even the coldest winter days. (It is also described as "an ironic way to soothe period cramps".)
Arriving in a salmon pink color, the hot water bottle measures 60cm in height, 39.6cm in width, and 3.8cm in diameter - meaning it certainly is big enough to put a smile on your face.
Firebox's official description of the ‘Penis Hot Water Bottle’ reads:
"Chilly at night? Not got a hunk to keep your bed warm? We feel ya. Shiver no more, frigid friend. This hot water bottle will keep you willy toasty even in the coldest of temperatures.
"He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill him up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot d***.
"He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy.
"Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems…"
The product currently holds a 5-out-of-5 stars from customers, with one review saying the "meat with the heat" arrived bigger than expected.
The other very happy customer types: "What's not to love - it's a hot water bottle shaped like a penis and guaranteed to bring a smile to your face on a very cold night!"
So, banish those frigid winter nights and get yourself a hot water bottle guaranteed to give you a VERY merry Christmas. At just £13.99 ($18.00), it really is a bargain.