A convicted felon in Cashmere, Washington accidentally shot himself in the testicles on April 5, according to Wenatchee World News.
To make matters worse - yes, they can get worse - a balloon of marijuana fell out of his anus while doctors were operating on the gunshot wound. Then, when detectives arrived at the hospital, they searched the man's car and found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of blood-stained jeans. (And you think you had a bad day.)
The man was identified as 27-year-old Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, who reportedly had been convicted 13 times. As a result, he was not allowed to own a firearm.
Chelan County officials say Wilson was involved in a violent mishap, and tried to hide his pistol in the front pocket of his pants. When the weapon accidentally discharged, it sent a bullet through his groin, leading him to seek treatment at a Wenatchee city hospital.
Detectives issued a warrant for Wilson on suspicion of second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth. On April 18, Wilson turned himself in, during the strip search, a second balloon full of marijuana slipped out of his anus, according to the affidavit. (Hey, we've all been there, right? You cram a balloon full of marijuana in your anus, then just totally forget about it.)
After the grass dropped from his ass (couldn't help myself), Wilson was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility.
From jail, he called his girlfriend multiple times, instructing her to stay silent about the shooting and not cooperate with authorities. These phone calls were recorded by authorities, who charged him with four counts of tampering with a witness.
Wilson is currently in jail on $110,000 ball - I mean, bail - and scheduled to appear in court on June 18. What brought him to make all these poor life decisions? That's a tough egg to crack.