Our future president Oprah Winfrey once said this inspiring quote: "Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire."
Well, sorry, Oprah, but there are many things I think I cannot do, and I'm not even going to One, hand-feeding sharks from a boat. Two, eating tacos made from an amputated leg. And three, sticking my hand in a dark hole to pull out a cluster of spiders.
Did you know that Daddy Long Legs gather into a cluster that looks harmless black fluff? Well, it is harmless because Daddy Long Legs don't bite. But it's still absolutely terrifying. One American father recorded himself sharing this natural phenomenon to his kids. In the videos, the stare at a dark hole, mesmerized by the shadowy insects writhing inside. The father approaches it, and yanks out a ball of spiders!
The video, appropriately titled "Crazy Scary Spider Hole," has over five million views on YouTube. In the description, the dad writes," I never even touched the back of the hole - endless spider supply!" Thanks. Now I'm guaranteed to have nightmares about spiders tonight. The dad adds, "FOR THE RECORD- no spiders were hurt or killed. They quickly climbed back up the wall and eventually into their hole. I am not in the habit of harming animals but do enjoy teaching my kids about nature. So there."
So, why do Daddy Long Legs combine like Voltron to form a deceptive ball of black fluff? The TV show Outrageous Acts Of Science, which airs on The Science Channel, studied this phenomenon. And when the on-screen personalities finished screaming in horror, they gave a logical explanation:
"The reason the Daddy Long Legs have combined to make this ball of fluff, which is called an aggregate, is because they like to spend their nights hunting and their daytime clustered together in small cold dark places. The other advantage of aggregates is defense."
They also explain why the spiders dash in different directions after the ball is poked. "This is something we call the dilution effect," says one of the hosts. "And it's actually quite beneficial to prey species because predators get very confused with so many individuals running around." Basically, there's safety in numbers.
Well, I think we should leave spiders alone. And I'm not saying just because I'm terrified of reaching into a dark hole full of eight legged freaks. Recent research shows that spiders could theoretically wipe out the human race in just one year. One year! I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. All humans should bend the knee.
So, sorry to disappoint you, Oprah, but I will not be trying this particular experience. Although writing about it gave me an idea. Remember the episode of Oprah where she gave everyone in the studio audience a car? Maybe she could do something like that, but when everyone looks under their seat, they don't see car keys. They see a ball of spiders. "You get a ball of spiders! And you get a ball of spiders! And you get a ball of spiders!" I'd watch that.