Every year, the glitzy Met Gala briefly captures the world's attention. Celebrities and rich people that wish they were celebrities strut the red carpet in spectacular outfits that loosely follow a theme, like camp, the Vatican and technology. The stunning photos go viral, we exclaim "that's amazing" or "what a bunch of weirdos" and then we move on with our lives.
But what happens inside this glamorous star-studded event? Is there a bacchanal of debauchery, like the party in Eyes Wide Shut? Are there scintillating conversations, like at the Algonquin Round Table? Do celebrities wheel out a cage full of poor people, burn hundred dollar bills in front of them, and sprinkle their tears in the cocktails? What happens?!
Well, there's no need to go mad from curiosity, because someone spilled the tea in a very unlikely place: Sports Illustrated. Alex Rodriguez, former New York Yankees player and warlock who cast a love spell on Jennifer Lopez, opened up about the event.
(Warning: The following paragraph contains gratuitous name-dropping. We are not responsible if you roll your eyes so hard they never return to normal.)
"We had a great table," Rodriguez told SI. "The black guy from The Wire - Idris Elba, yeah, and his new wife. Some famous singer next to me, I don’t know what her name is. Versace - Donatella. We had Kylie and Kendall. And we had an Asian gentleman from Rich Asians, the lead. Kylie was talking about Instagram and her lipstick, and how rich she is."
Last March, Forbes magazine named Kylie the world's youngest self-made billionaire, as you probably heard, and then drank a fifth of whiskey to smother your despair about the tumbleweeds blowing through your checking account. Many critics, including the dictionary, disputed the notion that the privileged reality star's fortune is "self-made." But Kylie's fortune itself cannot be denied. She's loaded, y'all. And she likes to talk about it.
Well, I for one am absolutely heartbroken that I missed out on these fascinating comments from Kylie Jenner. What did she say about Instagram? What did say about lipstick? What did she say about how rich she is? I'm sure her mouth was a gaseous geyser of bon mots that would make Oscar Wilde weep with envy. The Met Gala remains a mystery, but at least A-Rod gave us a tantalizing peak behind the glittery curtain.