Have you had the chance to watch any Disney movies since your brain has fully developed and had to take a massive reality check? One minute, you're laughing at your favorite childhood cartoon and the next you're all: "Woah, can they say that?"
One of the reasons so many adults enjoy watching Disney movies with their children is the subtle innuendos. Do you have no idea what I'm talking about? No worries, I'm here to recap the 11 best Disney dirty jokes for you.
1) The beginning of Cars is full of masculine energy, so it's no surprise that the movie includes several sexual innuendos. To summarise, racecar Lightning McQueen wants take home the Piston Cup at all costs, becoming the first rookie to do so. Later in the film, he's discussing with his friend Mater - who clearly couldn't know less about racing - how many Piston Cups one of the racing greats has.
Mater's dirty response is just subtle enough to fly over any child's head: "He did what in his cup?" No no, Mater. Not that kind of piss. While we're on Cars, did you ever notice that scene in the beginning of the movie when, amongst the press storm after a race, two twins come up and flash their headlights at Lightning McQueen? But we all know this flashing is just a metaphor for real, adult flashing.
2) In Frozen, Kristoff grills Anna about her love interest Hans - What's his best friend's name, eye color (he should've included whether or not he had the intent to steal the throne)?
The last question Kristoff rattles off is: "Foot size?" Well, you know what they say about big feet? But Anna is so beyond heteronormative stereotypes and hits back "Foot size doesn't matter." You go, girl! It's all about how you use it, anyway.
3) When Roger tells Cruella De Vil that Anita is pregnant in the live-action 101 Dalmatians, Cruella has a handful of witty responses up her fur coat sleeves. For starters, she responds that accidents do happen. But the devil doesn't stop there.
When Roger says: "We're having puppies too," Cruella says: "Puppies! You have been a busy boy." Ah, bestiality. And let's not even get into Disney's Beauty and the Beast, which practically punches you in the face with princess-animal sexual attraction.
4) Actually, I changed my mind. Aside for the not-so-subtle bestiality undertones, let's talk about that scene in Beauty and the Beast with the bar musical number Gaston. During this song and dance breakout, Gaston winks and spews the line: "Every last inch of me's covered with hair." Depends how you like your men, I guess.
5) Let's move on to penis jokes because, honestly, isn't that what we're all here for? And oh boy, there are a lot that Disney hide from us. In Toy Story 2, Buzz tries his game at flirting with Jessie. But to no avail.
When the dog needs to be let out to do its business, Jessie comes to the rescue, riding down a ramp on a matchbox car before flinging herself for the doorknob to let the little guy outside. Buzz's wings pop up as a result of this heroic act. Looks like there was a little too much blood rushing to them - if you know what I mean.
6) You might've missed another dick joke in The Emperor's New Groove. During a hunt for Kuzco, Kronk and Yzma spend a night camping out. While Yzma brings an elaborate covering to sleep under, Kronk pitches his own tiny tent, quite literally. The metaphor wouldn't be quite so obvious if he hadn't done it right where a man would normally pitch a tent.
7) Remember that other boner joke in Herbie: Fully Loaded, outside of the sexual title, of course? Our faithful Herbie sees a lady VW Bug and oh, does he have eyes for her. After looking at her trunk (or rear end, rather), his antenna pops up. Oh la la.
8) Ratatouille is my all-time favorite Disney movie. You didn't ask, but I told you anyway. In one scene, Linguini is chatting with Remy in the refrigerator when, suddenly, in walks tiny Chef Skinner. When Skinner asks what Linguini is doing, the boy responds that he's familiarizing himself with the vegetables.
As Skinner shoos out the new chef, he shouts: "One can get too familiar with vegetables, you know!" Now maybe Skinner really does know too much about vegetables, but more likely this is Disney's nod to pleasuring oneself.
9) Even some of the classics nod to masturbation. There's a scene in Tarzan where Jane is drawing her love interest. Before he leaves the camp, Jane's dad says to her: "Shall I leave you and the blackboard alone for a moment?" What an accepting and encouraging father that one is.
10) As Judy Hops tries to catch Nick for tax evasion in Zootopia, she drops a sex joke. As the sly fox tries to convince her to run along before she proves his guilt with complicated math, she says: "I mean, I am just a dumb bunny, but we are good at multiplying." Judy's smart, but she's also good popping out baby after baby.
11) Last, but certainly not least, come The Incredibles. Though this movie is Disney-Pixar, it contains one of the first jokes I remember catching onto as a kid. In the widely watched special feature and Pixar Short Jack-Jack Attack, we see the baby of the family coming into his own as he experiments with his powers.
His babysitter Kari is having none of it, so when evil Syndrome shows up at the door claiming he's her replacement in an attempt to kidnap Jack-Jack, Kari's open to having a conversation.
She notices Syndrome's get-up first, and asks why he has a large "S" on his chest, to which he answers that it stands for "Sitter". Syndrome says: "Originally, I was gonna have initials for 'babysitter', but then I would have been going around wearing a big 'BS.' You understand why I couldn't go with that."
While this "dirty joke" substitutes profanity for sexual innuendo, I still think it's important to include because it is, in fact, a little naughty. I hope you enjoyed this compilation and that you never view a Disney movie in the same light again.
