Fans can bring marijuana, cocaine and heroin to World Cup in Russia
Russia's not exactly known for its liberal policies, from its persecution of artists who criticize Putin to its multiple laws oppressing the gay community. But it turns out they're pretty chill when it comes to drugs. The Moscow Times reports that soccer fans will be able to bring marijuana, cocaine and heroin to the 2018 FIFA World Cup. Because if there's one thing soccer hooligans need, it's cocaine. They're so low energy.
Of course, there is a catch. People that want to bring these aforementioned drugs will have to fill out the necessary paperwork - and that doesn't mean ZigZags for your blunts. The Russia-led Eurasian Economic Union grants travelers the right to bring banned substances so long as they bring documentation written in the Russian language that the narcotics are for medical use. So good luck with that. While medical marijuana is a thing, I've never heard of medical cocaine or medical heroin. What’s next, medical crystal meth? But hey, if you can convince your doctor to write you a note, in Russian, you can bring all three drugs to the World Cup, and party it up. (If you survive.)
The Russian 2018 World Cup Organizing Committee says that law enforcement officers will be on duty at the stadium to verify the authenticity of the drug prescriptions. It's unclear how they're going to decide which prescriptions are real or fake. They simply say, "Security officers will monitor the enforcement of rules for carrying prescription drugs to stadium grounds at checkpoints." (I mean, all the doctors' notes for cocaine and heroin will be forgeries, right?)
In addition, Russia’s Federal Customs Service says that soccer fans carrying the drugs will have to fill out a customs declaration, which is hilarious. Finally, filling out those annoying little forms and going through customs will be fun. "Yes, officer, I'm just declaring my weed, coke and heroin. But it's okay. I have a doctor's note. I need weed because I have trouble sleeping. I need coke because I have trouble staying trouble awake. And I need heroin to cheer me up when I'm feeling blue."
However, don't think anything goes at this stadium. Smoking of all kinds is forbidden. Unlike shooting up heroin and snorting cocaine, smoking cigarettes serves no medical purpose - according to the Russians, anyway. But I guess we shouldn't be surprised Russia has such lax laws on drugs, considering their athletes were busted doping in the 2014 Winter Olympics, and again at the 2018 Winter Olympics. (Or maybe this is all a scam to troll and get free publicity for the World Cup. Well played, Russians. You win again!)
Russia will host the World Cup from June 14 to July 15, with events in 11 cities, including Moscow, St. Petersburg and Sochi. Soccer is the number sport in every country in the world, except the United States. But you know what? I bet if America adopted these rules for our soccer matches, allowing fans to bring in marijuana, cocaine and heroin, attendance would spike through the roof. (And so would overdoses.)