I'm not ashamed to admit that I am a very nervous sleeper. Any slight floorboard creak or tree branch tapping on the window, and I immediately jump to the conclusion that somebody has broken into my home and I won't be alive to see morning.
Perhaps I'm just mentally unprepared for such an event, or maybe living in London has finally broken me down and created a nervous wreck of a 27-year-old that sleeps with a lightsaber next to his bed (just in case).
However, now I've finally found a product that is not only useful in day-to-day life, but will also have your back just in case there is a home invader.
Introducing the Woodquail Bat and Shield, Bamboo Self Defense Night Stand, which is available on Amazon for any other nervous sleepers out there.
As you can see, the product appears to be your standard nightstand, perfect for setting up your laptop for an evening of binging Netflix. But with a few simple adjustments, the stand can be transformed into a shield and bat, perfect for intimidating any unwanted guests.
The product description (which is incredible, by the way), reads as follows:
"This Bat and Shield Set can be helpful as self-defence accessories in order to visually warn the intruder that you are protected.
"The bamboo material gives the Bat and Shield their effortless chic. As with all of our bamboo products, this one has been varnished to protect it against water and to make cleaning easy.
"It can be also a piece of modern designer furniture if you use it as bedside table. The staples can be used for cables. Designer furniture tends to combine aesthetic & practical functions.
It is equally suitable for both a male and female bedroom. It is reported that 50% of people in the UK are worried about security at night. That's why having a means of self-defence by your bedside is psychologically comforting. Many people use an alarm system, but it's not necesarily active when you're in."
And what is perhaps even better than the product description is the item's one review from a M J. Tucker, that is simply titled, "Could be better":
"The torso sized shield is ideal, allow for the protection of vitals and/or genitals in the event of an assault, picture clearly shows a left handed user, but is equally usable for righties. The leg/bat appears to be shorter than a baseball bat but longer than a rounders one. Depending on a user's size and ability this combination can make a formidable defensive or offensive tool.
"The cons however must of course be obvious, although bamboo is tough and light, the slated construction would have me wishing for it to be leather covered for additional strength without compromising the weight or for the stronger user a one piece thick board construction. The bat is over long for indoor use, ceiling height and hall dimensions would prevent fullest g force, might give an opportunist burglar second thoughts but not a determined assailant.
"To that end I would suggest replacing the bat with something sharp and serious looking a serrated edged hunting knife clipable to the shield for storage. Close quarters survival fighting you need every advantage, if knives scare you then I suggest some nice long nails 6inch plus near the top, the would be hidden when used as a table, but when brandished at an opponent, running away would seem like a sweeter deal. [sic]"
Tucker was generous enough to award the nightstand a favourable 4/5 stars though.
Obviously, this item is a little tongue in cheek, and if you do find yourself in such a situation (knock on wood), we recommend calling the police and keeping yourself safe.