As we all know: there’s smooth, then there’s Hollywood smooth. So we enlisted the help of Dollar Shave Club, as well as professional manscaper and Californian razor royalty, Melanie Gardner, to help us de-hair with silver screen flair…
If you wanna know how to manscape like a movie star you have to realise that every part of your body is going to require unique attention. So let’s tackle this from the beard down.
Hollywood Your Torso
First take off your top and make an honest assessment in the mirror. “If you’re more King Kong than Bruce Lee, pop the blade away and book a wax,” says Gardner, “otherwise you’ll be pricklier than an irate porcupine.” If you’re rather less hirsute, she says, you should consider your hair type before deciding a course of action: “The coarser and denser your hair is, the more prickly and irritating it’s going to feel once trimmed.”
Gardner suggests leaving your chest hairs just long enough to lay down flat against the skin and make sure you blend into other body parts, the last thing you want to do is look patchy. “Trim down the happy trail using a #1 clipper,’ Gardner suggests, “and trim down the chest and stomach hair using a #2 clipper. Or, if you want to look extra clean [and have fine, soft body hair], trim the chest and stomach hair using a #1 clipper.”
Should you wish to go full silver-screen smooth simply treat the areas in question the same as you would your face: Use clippers first to get rid of longer hairs, then hop in a hot, steamy shower to soften what’s left. Shave using a fresh blade with long strokes in the direction your hair is pointing—ie. with the grain—to prevent sharp angles. Moisturise plentifully afterwards to prevent any nasty irritations. Voila, you’re halfway to Tinseltown.
Hollywood Your Back
Even for action heroes who can dislocate limbs at will, shaving your back on your own is gonna be tough. What you can’t reach, you can’t manscape: simple. So you need to convince one of your biggest fans to help. “I’ve heard of girlfriends or boyfriends doing it, mums, roommates, it just depends who you trust the most, right?” says Gardner. Once they’ve accepted whatever bribe you offer, get them to adopt the same routine as you did on your chest.
Hollywood Your Arms and Legs
As a famous thespian once said: It’s no good having a pebble-smooth chest and surfboard-back if your extremities are like overgrown hedgerows! “Hairy-armed men should begin with a no.2 clipper on their arms,” suggests Gardner, “and work down the various guard lengths until their arm hair looks right and blends well into the back and chest. Once settled you must also “be darn sure that you razor off any visible finger hairs, as these will be much more noticeable once your arm hair has been trimmed.”
Leg-wise our forthright skincare expert suggests: “Trimming from the knee up using a #1 clipper, and from the knee down using a #2 clipper.” Why? Because it will help the transition to your sinfully smooth nether region. You are gonna do the business ‘down there’ too, right?
Hollywood Your Pubic Hair
Course you are, and here’s the best way according to Gardner: First, trim down the excess hair with clippers; you don’t want bulky, wiry, long hairs getting trapped in your razor when you go to wet shave. It gets messy quickly. Once trimmed, Gardner recommends using Shave Butter for the wet shave. Despite its buttery moniker, this product is transparent meaning you can see exactly what you’re shaving and where, which is dead handy given everything below the belt is prone to wince-worthy nick and cuts.
Hollywood Your Balls
This process is easier than it seems, but will require full concentration, a good dab of common sense and a real hands-on approach. “Most guys are actually scared to grab their own balls and do this,” chuckles Gardner. “But moving your junk around every which way is massively necessary here, so get over it and get used to it.”
To start with you’ll need to clear the pathway. “I never use electric clippers directly on a client’s balls because I might catch the skin,” Gardner warns first of all. “If the hair on your balls is quite thick or long then you should float the clippers over them to tidy it down and remove some length.”
Once you’ve done that, sit in a warm bath or hop into a hot shower for three simple reasons: 1) “Any hairs that are curling back into the skin will instantly be freed and readied for trimming. Use a good exfoliator to help with this pre-shave”; 2) “Warm water softens even the most coarse hairs that are synonymous with the pubic region”, and 3) “When your balls hang low and relaxed it’s easier to pull them taut and shave them. If your balls are cold and shrivelled then the razor can’t get into the nooks and crannies and you’ll end up very patchy.”
Got it so far? One more thing: Because your ball hair grows in so many different directions I tend to go with the grain and then against it,” suggest Gardner. “Only then do you get the super-smooth finish that’s the most desirable.”
Hollywood Your Bottom
“For goodness sake, leave the razor out of this!” urges Gardner. “Whether you can see it in the mirror or not, running the blade across your bottom will cause a ton of infuriating—and frankly embarrassing—prickliness when the hair regrows and begins to rub against your underwear.” And let’s not even start with going between the cheeks, as Gardner is keen to point out. “Running a razor down the middle of your butt crack is asking for trouble,” she explains. “It’ll feel like you’ve got a porcupine living between your cheeks and cause major itchiness and irritation when the hairs begin to grow back.”
So what’s the ticket to a lustrous posterior? According to Gardner, “Waxing is definitely the best method for taming a hairy butt, because you have someone else working on you [rather than attempting to manoeuvre a razor over your cheeks while looking over your shoulder in the mirror], and it’s going to be smoother, cleaner and longer-lasting.”
So there you go. Manscaping every body part takes time and effort but if done using the correct tools and heeding the correct advice—thanks Melanie—it doesn’t matter whether you’re bowling down a windswept provincial high street or Sunset Boulevard itself, you can do it with equally hairless aplomb. Happy manscaping!
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This is a sponsored article in association with Dollar Shave Club.