Every year, mothers across the globe are celebrated with flowers and gifts. Children in school write letters, and save up their pocket money to show the most important woman in their lives a little extra appreciation.
Not all children have mothers in their lives, however. And in 2021, we are seeing much more diverse family dynamics and setups that are equally worthy of celebration.
With this in mind, we spoke to Chris Gaidhu-Withell about how he and his partner, Ricky, will be marking March 14 with their adopted son.
Chris and Ricky are one of 212,000 same-sex families in the UK, per the Office for National Statistics, and this is the second Mother's Day that they will be celebrating with their seven-year-old son, L*.
Initially, they had a "few concerns". "We didn't really think about it until our nieces and nephews started marking it at school, and we were like 'oh crap', how are we going to handle this one," Chris laughs. "We obviously wanted to avoid him feeling left out."
The couple started their journey to parenthood back in 2015, and went down the adoption route after deciding that surrogacy was not for them. L was placed in their care two and a half years ago, and he was formally adopted last year.
According to government statistics, on average more than nine children per week are being adopted by LGBTQ+ parents – comprising 14 per cent of all adoptions. This research is not conclusive, however, as it was published in 2015, and so cannot account for the growing trend of same-sex adoptions in 2021.
The ONS confirmed that a voluntary question about gender identity was included in this year's Census, which will enable a fuller appreciation of family diversity in the future.
After "several discussions", Chris and Ricky were able to find a way to mark the holiday in a manner that was both inclusive and celebratory of all the women in their young son's life. "We've always been very open with him, in all regards, and Mother's Day was no different," Chris, 32, tells me.
Because L does not have any psychical contact with his biological mother, the couple decided to turn Mother's Day into Grandparent's Day.
"He gets to make cards at school for all three of his grandmothers, and he enjoys that," Chris says. "There's one aspect of feeling bad that he's left out, but then again, we're so lucky to have such a massive support network. We try to make him feel a little more special by having that difference."
Thankfully, L's school is very inclusive, and are actively supportive of Chris and Ricky's situation. "They were very on it in regards to Mother's Day. They asked us if we wanted to do something specific, and that's when we suggested Grandmother's Day. So, they are quite open to putting alternatives out there."
Of course, this is not the case with every school, as Chris is keen to stress: "It does vary from school to school, unfortunately. And within our circle of fellow adopters, we've seen that some have had to put in more of a fight for changes to be made."
Chris and Ricky also ensured to speak to their son about Mother's Day, as his brother – who is in a separate placement – currently does have contact with his biological mother. "We've explained the reasons why L can't see his mum more, and we stress that even though they don't have physical contact, he still has a mother. So if he wants to draw her pictures for Mother's Day, we take that aside, and include them in the letter we send to her every year. We also try to point him in another direction, so with Mother's Day, it's about his grandmothers."
Still, the pair naturally have their worries. "The bullying aspect is still a concern. But with the way that things are changing, and the increasing acceptance of the gay community, that worry is reducing."
It won't completely go, however, until some of the more insidious gender stereotypes are broken down, Chris continues. "It's not even necessarily an LGBTQ+ thing. It's more of a dad thing in general. There's a stereotype of the mum being at home, and I don't think that's fair on mothers anyway."
Chris says that making every day things like "mother and baby parking spaces" and "mum and baby groups" more inclusive spaces – especially in terms of the language that's used to describe them – would be a starting point.
"The media plays a big role too. We've even been seeing gay couples with children in television adverts, so it is improving, especially in the last few years when we started our journey," he adds.
Ultimately, it's Father's Day that Chris and Ricky really look forward to each year.
"We always try to make it really special," Chris says. "For our first one, we both took the day off. I love it because there are presents, and L gets really excited to give us them – he's such a loving and affectionate boy.
"I always felt bad for my dad growing up, we would give him a gift and then it was over. But because we're two dads, we make a real day of it."
*L's name has been hidden to protect his privacy.