Man accidentally gets testicles trapped in IKEA chair
Seeing as I don't have a pair myself, I am completely ignorant about what it feels like to injure one's testicles. However, having heard stories from friends who do know what it's like to sustain a swift kick or unexpected blow to the nether regions, I am very grateful for this fact. Because it sounds painful.
Even for those who are in possession of the 'outie' variety of genitals, though, there are some unpleasant experiences which are probably rarely encountered; for example, getting your testicles caught in an IKEA chair.
Now, these may sound like a particularly farfetched situation - but it's definitely happened at least once. In a resurfaced story from 2016, one Norwegian guy detailed how that exact scenario happened to him... and how he dealt with it using near-catastrophic methods.
The story came to light after Claus Jørstad, a 45-year-old IKEA shopper, posted a review of his recent purchase on the store's Facebook page.
He included a picture of the stool, which had holes in the top, and explained that he had been sitting on it in the shower when he felt a strange sensation - uh - down there.
"Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the f**k happened, I realised the little nutter has got stuck," he wrote. "And as I couldn’t move, I started pondering how the hell I was gonna get outta the mess. After a lot of pondering forth and back, I realised I had no bloody ideas."
"The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law’s smile when I married her daughter," he told the Daily Mail.
Rather than try to manoeuvre himself out of the shower, though, (or, you know, turn the water off) the not-particularly-quick-thinking man decided he would use a hairdryer to warm himself up - apparently not considering that water + electricity is a *terrible* idea.
Thankfully, he was saved by his own questionable thinking.
"In despair, I reached for the hairdryer to keep warm while pondering, and that’s when I realised the nut has got loose from the squirrel stool," he said. "It was when I reached for the dryer I realised I was a free man."
Jørstad believes that the cold water shrunk his testicle to the point where it could more easily fit back through the hole.
In response to his post, an IKEA staffer wrote: "Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower... or that you sit on it with the right uniform on and in the right setting."
Jørstad continued the interaction just a little more, and shared his genius solution to the problem: a towel to cover the holes.
Eventually, though, he conceded that it was probably safer to relocate the stool to somewhere else in his house. But, after attaining so much notoriety on Facebook, it's hard to imagine that anyone could sit on the chair and not think of poor Jørstad and his, um, smaller Jørstads getting caught in the seat!