Outraged pizza chef tries to poison pizza deliveries to get back at his managers

It's always disappointing when a pizza you ordered is what you wanted or expected. You'd think in this age of technological advancement, where we can literally check the bits we don't like on a pizza off a checklist from our phones, it would be impossible to end up disappointed on what is usually a very joyous occasion. Even if all your toppings are there - or not there - there's still a chance you'll end up not liking your pizza, especially if it tastes like rat poison.

CBS News reports that Gurol Bicer was fluffing up a bucket of recently shredded cheese when he noticed small brown pellets in the mix. Rightly noting that the presence of small brown pellets in a bucket of cheese was probably bad, Bicer "checked online and found the pellets were either poison or supplements, then reviewed surveillance footage to determine who made the shredded cheese". He also found pellets in three other buckets of cheese. So he called the cops.

Ricky Adami, 59, allegedly put the poison pellets in with the mix as he was using the shredding machine. CBS notes that Adami "got into trouble" with the managers hours before the incident, though why he chose to take it out on poor, unsuspecting pizza lovers, we may never know.

Bicer threw out all the shredded cheese mix, making this both dangerous for consumers and a crime against cheese. "Everything he touched, I threw away. All the containers, the parts of the machine, the cheese, of course," Bicer said. The health department has given Primo Pizza permission to carry on, and Adami has been "arrested and charged with distributing food containing noxious/deleterious material." If there was going to be something I wanted extra with my pizza, it wouldn't be rat poison.

This, on the other hand, I'm down for. CamSoda, which is primarily a webcam and XXX VR company, has just announced a new vibrator called the RubGrub. The vibrator does all the things you'd want a good vibrator to do, then gets you a cheese pizza from Domino's as well.

According to a press release by CamSoda, here's how the RubGrub works:

"An internet connected button (similar to the Amazon Dash Button) that is affixed on the end of the vibrator. The button has payment/delivery and order information, which is programmed into it at the time of purchase and connects to Domino’s through its pizza-ordering API. When a user is done ‘using’ the vibrator, they push the button, which places a delivery order for a large cheese pizza."

You may turn your head at this at initial reaction, but when you think about it, how different is this to a really good session? You've worn yourself out, and ordering something online because you're too hollowed out to cook, or even move for 20 minutes. Cutting out a couple of steps just makes life easier.

Company Vice President, Daryn Parker said in another press release:

"Masturbation, while ultimately enjoyable, can be a strenuous physical activity during which an individual exerts a lot of energy and burns many calories. Inevitably, once someone has climaxed, they feel lethargic and hungry. Now, in order to enjoy your Saturday night, all you need is your RubGrub device. Get off and get stuffed, all with the quick click of a button."

The company mentioned that it plans to add more restaurant chains in the coming months, so if you crave Chinese food or tacos during a vibe session, you’ll soon be taken care of. This way if you die from rat poison, you had some good late innings.