While pretty much all of our national holidays are steeped in tradition and nostalgia, Halloween is probably the only holiday out there which relies so heavily on the idea of superstition. Thirteen-month-old babies breaking looking glasses. Seven years of bad luck. The good things, all in your past.
Okay, fine - so those are all lyrics to that Stevie Wonder song, but he was right in a way. You believe in things you don't understand... superstition ain't the way, you guys. So this Halloween, why not buck the trend with Halloween with a fruity twist?
No, I don't mean by replacing candy with fruit for Trick or Treat. I'm not a monster. I simply mean by taking one of Halloween's most recognisable insignia - the Jack O'Lantern - and replacing that dusty old pumpkin with something a lot more fun. And delicious.
Pumpkin pie and Pumpkin Spiced Lattes aside, pumpkins kind of suck. In my opinion, they smell weird, they taste even weirder, and unless you're Cinderella and you need a quick ride somewhere after the prince's ball but before the clock strikes midnight, they're pretty useless outside of Halloween.
Pineapples, on the other hand, are objectively the best fruit. Don't fight me on this. Unfortunately, we like to think of pineapples as a summer fruit. Hawaiian pizzas, unorthodox barbecue marinades, piña coladas; but once summer's over and you're regularly getting caught in the rain, you stop enjoying pineapples - if you have half a brain.
Once darkness falls across the land and the midnight hour is close at hand (fair warning - I'm just going to be dropping these song references whenever I can), nobody remembers pineapples. It's quite sad. But no longer, my pineapple loving friends. Check it - pineapple Jack O'Lanterns, you guys. Aren't they cool?
Spooky, yet tropical, I think. Plus, they're a lot easier to carve than your average pineapple (although you won't have as many options thanks to the pineapple's prickly exterior), and once you get your Halloween decoration ready, you can go ahead and enjoy some pineapple as a reward. What's not to like?
So in a nutshell (or a pineapple shell), here's how you make yourself a fruity Jack O'Lantern. You're going to need a pineapple corer, a paring knife and a tea light - though you could probably try without the pineapple corer if you're not thinking of ever learning the piano. It's very simple from there.
So, first off, you core your pineapple. If you've not got a carver handy, then use your paring knife. I know it's your last resort, but try not to cut your life into pieces. Once you've got that flesh out of the way, then you can go about carving your face into that pineapple.
No, I don't necessarily mean your face, but there are plenty of faces you could use. I'm sure that all around you are familiar faces - I find it kind of funny, but I also find it kind of sad. Use the thorns to track your design and stay on the right track. You're walking a lonely road at that point, but it's also the only road you've ever known.
Once you're done, all you have to do is place a tea light at the bottom, and there you have it! Your very own fruity Jack O'Lantern. You've got a trendy new Halloween decoration, and hopefully you got all six song references up there (yup, six)! Happy Halloween, everyone!