In this age of third-wave feminism that we live in, women are arguably more liberated and independent than ever before. However, even the most empowered and "woke" individual out there can find themselves conforming to ingrained stereotypes - chiefly - that men should always make the first move. And while we can all agree that this is one of the more idiotic societal norms, many women still find it intimidating to take the plunge and ask out a man. But if you're currently struggling with this romantic dilemma, don't fret, the women of Reddit have banded together to show us girls how it's done.
1. Sometimes you just need to go for it"He was talking about how making the first move was awkward when we were on our first date, so I grabbed him and kissed him in the middle of his sentence."
2. This girl tells it how it is"You'd be surprised how often we get impatient and decide to make the first move. I kissed my last 5 partners first, including my current boyfriend. They either didn't know they should make a move or were too shy to just do it. Except my boyfriend, who was waiting until we got back to the car to kiss me, and I couldn't wait any longer after spending about 5 hours trying to resist the obvious sexual chemistry we had."
3. See, it works!"Wife made the first move by straight up saying: 'So, when are we going out?' I was smitten immediately. Still am."
4. A pep talk always helps"I give myself a little pep talk before and I'm like 'B***H, get it together. If you wanna climb that boy like a tree you had best go talk to him'.
"That usually works. I also find that it's fun to be able to take the lead in a conversation. If I really want to go out and play golf with him I'm not going to wait for him to ask, I need to be able to do it. That way I get to do something I enjoy and still get to know him better."
5. Seriously, what's the worst that could happen..."I'm a girl and have never been bothered about making the first move. I actually kind of enjoy it. I think that's part of the fun of it, a lot of guys like it when women are bold and unabashed about what they want. And why should we be? I guess that's why I'm not one to hold back. I hate games, so I feel as though I may as well be up front. What's the worst that can happen? I actually can't think of a bad experience off the top of my head that has come from making the first move. Probably because the worst that can really happen is that a man would be flattered (who wouldn't be flattered) even if he doesn't want anything to progress any further. Who doesn't like hearing that someone finds you attractive?"
6. A thorough how-to
"9 times out of 10 'making the first move' for me is just starting a conversation and going from there. A bit of flirting, asking questions. That's probably my main advice. Go in with an open mind and ask questions, be interested in the person you're talking to, pay attention to cues and the way things flow and if you are into it then you can escalate things: 'Can I have your number?', 'do you want to get a drink?', 'kiss me', 'do you wanna come home?' whatever you're trying to achieve or whatever you want to say should come at the end of the initial conversation."
7. How adorable"I met my bf two summers ago at work but I was planning to move in three months. One night we were at a friend's apt and we were the only two people left awake. I wanted to kiss him all night. We had been talking for hours. We laid down on the floor next to each other. I KNEW he liked me but HE knew I was leaving the state and I'm sure that stopped him from making a move. My heart was racing but I decided to say f**k it. I'm the 'cool girl' or 'best friend' archetype but dammit! It's my life! I'm the main f**king character! So I said: 'I'm really going to miss hanging out with you. But there's something I wanna do before I move.'
"I kissed him on the cheek and I DIDNT DIE. He confessed he had been crushing on me as well and we figured things out.
"Almost 2 years later and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We're planning to get married and if I hadn't overcome a moment of fear, I would have regretted it to this day."
8. I'm sensing a common thread here..."What has worked well for me is to spend a while talking to a guy and doing my best to flirt (note: also applies to flirty texting, OKCupid messages, etc.). After half an hour or so, most men are excited and hopeful, but afraid they're reading your signals wrong. That means they're hesitant to cross the line into talk that's overtly about going on a date or hooking up.
"Ladies, that means it's YOUR turn: make an overt statement that does cross that line. 'My friends are going out to [local bar] on Saturday. Would you like to come with me?' 'Can I buy you a drink, sailor?' 'So, are you coming upstairs with me or what?'
"At this point, most men are overwhelmed with relief that you've spelled it out and they can stop trying to guess. This also ups your chance that any given guy will say YES - it didn't cost him anything in terms of risking rejection, so why the hell not give you a shot?"
9. We are so impatient"As a girl that has made the first move more than once, I just get impatient. Guys are easier to read than girls, and usually it's pretty easy to tell if a guy is into you. A lot of guys I've talked to are afraid that they're reading a woman's signals wrong, and that she's actually not into them. I was practically throwing myself at my current boyfriend and he STILL didn't make a move because he wasn't sure that I really liked him. I invited him, alone, to my hotel room during a trip to Paris to split a bottle of wine. Like dude. DUDE!
"Anyway, long story short, women can usually tell when a man likes them. If you like a guy, and you know he likes you, go for it. He's gonna love it."
10. Honestly!"You don't have to just walk up to him and ask him out. Start flirting. Flirt. Flirt hard. Touch his arm, give him a playful punch, throw in a line that sounds slightly sexually. This isn't to get him to ask you out, but to gauge whether you should ask him out. If he's into it, then I try to build a friendship, build those little inside jokes.
"I don't play games and neither should you - very openly, honestly, and genuinely tell him your intentions. Maybe it's just to grab a cup of coffee. Maybe it's a, 'Hey, I love our chemistry and I really enjoy your company. Want to go back to my place and make out?' Or it's straight up asking if he wants to be your boyfriend. What's the worst that could happen?"
Well, there you have it. It can be incredibly rewarding to take the plunge and ask out the boy you've been eyeing up. But even if it doesn't work out, so what?
In other news, a new app will tell you the expiry date of your relationship.
